Unemployment Diary Day 4 and 5: Another Day In Paradise.

Day 4

-SABOTAGE-

I was contacted at 11:25 by the former coworker who I was looking to get a job from. He told me that someone had shutdown my former employer’s phone server.  Add they had blamed him.Because the last person to logon used his password.

I didn’t actually wake up until 12:30 and got the message. But I let him know that revenge, while sounding through sabotage sounded amusing, it’s not something I was willing to risk, Due to all the money they owed me at the moment. And if I were to commit sabotage, I would do more than simply turn something off. 

-CONSERVATION--

It’s earth day today, And I’ve been doing what I can as of late. Not simply save the planet. But to save cash anyway i can. Persistently  Turning off lights and electronics. Yelling at family members who forget to do the same. Shutting off the AC and leaving it off whenever possible.  And washing laundry at a relatives house and hanging it up on the line.

Saving money first and the earth second.

Day 5

-I DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU-

I got a message from my former co-worker. He said He didn’t forget about me, but he has two other partners. Not sure what he meant by that whether he had to check with him, or whether I had to go through some interview process.  He also said that his offices were in Brickell. And wondered whether I’d be able to make it. But he also said I should be used to it, driving to TAG everyday.  Actually I’m not sure If that’s what he meant. Maybe he was trying to steer me away from the idea of working for him. Brickell really isn’t that far from me at all. Not sure if the interview is in Brickell, or if the job is in Brickell.  Doesn’t really matter, I’d drive to the moon if it meant that my life would go back to normal.

Fuck and to be honest, I don’t even know what the job is. Don’t really care as long as there’s a steady paycheck involved.   He said He would call me today, and I had the feintest glimmer of hope from his message.

-LIFESTYLES OF THE BROKE AND UNEMPLOYED-

Eric’s was itching to get out of the house and wanting to come over to mine. I really didn’t think I’d make good company. I’ve been avoiding hanging out. But after the message I received earlier, I was in good Spirits and decided to get out of the house. He wanted to get some coffee, and I wanted some freedom. So we went down to the broadwalk at Hollywood Beach. Which was pretty quiet on a Friday afternoon.

We ate at Oceanside Seafood restaurant which made a pretty ostentatious claim to having THE BEST PHILLY CHEESESTEAK IN HOLLYWOOD.

I’m not a gourmet, by any stretch of the imagination, but if you’re gonna boast something like this, be prepared to back it up. This shit was gross. And prepare in a microwave over as you don’t even have a grill on the premises. Seriously. Never eat here.  

I do like the ay they bring out their condiments though.

I played around, watching myself  on the the webcam  from the restaurant next door.  I know it’s easily accessible technology. Any idiot can put up a webcam.  But there’s just something thrilling about watching yourself on TV.

After a short walk we ran into this poor unfortunate creature.  There is no other way to describe her.

She walks up to me and asks:

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing Just hanging out. What are YOU doing?”

”Just got out of jail. And I don’t know what to do. Do you have any idea?.”

“I’m sure there are some shelters. But I’m not from here. So I don’t know where. Or how safe they are.

“Oh. Can I have some money?”

“No I don’t have any. I just lost my job actually. Why were you in Jail?”

“I tried to Kill myself. Is that the New Apple iPad?”

I shit you not. This is the exact turn this conversation took. Even homeless suicidal drug addicts, know what’s really important. .

The rest of the interaction was me prodding her for more info on her attempted suicide and her trying to borrow Eric’s phone.

You know that Phil Collins Video “Another Day in Paradise” where the dude ignores the homeless lady? 

Yeah Eric. is THAT bastard. The situation made him extremely uncomfortable, and that tickled me to no end. Where I kept egging him on.

"Can I borrow Your Phone” she says.

“I’m sorry. I’m waiting for an important call” he says.

“Doesn’t it have call waiting? All phone have call waiting”

“Yeah dude. All phones have call waiting!.”  I said.  “And anyways if it’s important I’m sure they’ll call back”

Heartless, I tell you. I can’t say i blame him. Cellphones are a pretty personal thing.  You cant wash the stench of homelessness with soap and water. And this lady had sores all over her face,   I wouldn’t have loaned her my shit either. Eric just needed a better lie.

“Is that a phone? Can I borrow it?”

“No sorry. I lost my job and had the service turned off. I’m just using it as an iPod now.

“Nice case.”

”Oh hey. Thanks.”  Again I am not exaggerating. THis is how the conversation went. It is a pretty nice case though.

All and All I had a nice day at the beach.  But I never did get a call back.

Unemployment Diary Day 3 : Get a Haircut and Get a Real Job

Day 3

-So, You Need My Help?-

I woke up this morning at noon. Finally sleeping the sleep of the unemployed. I noticed a missed call on my cellphone and a voicemail from My Old Boss.

“Hey I could use a little information on something if you could give me a call on my cellphone, thanks”

So you could use my help now? Doesn’t really sound like you were going to pay me for this “information”.   To be honest, if my phone hadn’t been in an off position I probably would have woken up immediately and helped him. I mean these guys still owe me money. I need that money. But alas, my cellphone was off.  I returned his call immediately and left a message. Then i called him an hour later and he didn’t answer again. When I worked for him, he always answered, or got back to me within 5 minutes. So if i’m getting this kind of treatment when I’m calling to help HIM out with something. I only imagine the response I’ll get when I start calling to ask him where my money is.

-BEING DIRECT-

I contacted my former co-worker and just put it out there.

“Any word On the possibility of hiring me?”

He fed me  a line about how he’s still checking, But he just hired a bunch of people and he’ll see if he cut one of them loose and hire me. I told him whatever he could so, and no hard feelings. Then he changed the subject.  *ouch* 

No hard feelings. Because if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t hire me either. See he’s worked with me at two different companies. And he knows my work ethic and I can never compare to his. Maybe that was okay when it was someone else’s money at stake. But now that it’s his he has to be more careful and I get that. It’s not like I would take advantage of our friendship like that either.

-BURNING BRIDGES-

I’ve also realized I should stop badmouthing Comcast. They seem to be the only game in town for employment. And their support staff is a swell bunch of guys. Offering me help through my blog comments and twitter. I expect them to show up on my Facebook and X-Box Live any day now. Send me your gamertag Doug!   

My current problems with Comcast have come to an end, now that my job with the Wi-Fi company is over. So I don’t need your help Mark and Doug. But if I do, I know how to get in touch with you guys quickly. 

Doug had another amusing shoutout for me on his Twitter feed.

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew WOW... appreciate the mention in your Blog :-) We do try and yep I'm for real... we have a full team..

-SO YOU NEED MY HELP Part 2-

So the ex-boss finally called me back. They’re having a problem with the NetGong network monitoring tool. It’s a tool designed to monitor our routers at all of our location.  It’s not a magical tool, I had to into it everyday several times a day and update it. But without it, it makes our job near-impossible. I know because we lost the license back in 2008 for it. The bosses were trying to come up with a payment because they only accepted paypal and credit cards. They wanted to pay with a company check, and not use their own credit cards. Because the company owed the bosses money already. But the kicker is the bosses owned the company. Seems like they were dipping their ink in the company well. So I offered to buy it with my paypal as long as I would be reimbursed. They agreed and we’ve been able to use netgong ever since.  This was December 2008. The last expense check I received was for June 2008. Long story short, they never paid me for the software license. And now here they were, calling me to repair something they screwed up, when they changed the password to lock me out of the server when they fired me. Even though they never reimbursed me for the program. I was livid. I gave them some bullshit about it having to do with the password change. 

But I wasn’t going to help them. Screw that.  He said perhaps we can maybe make this your first project. If they give me access to this software I will just uninstall it. End of story.

Then he said the new company might call me in a couple of weeks. So I realized something. The merger is still in transition stage. Their goal at the moment was to solidify their positions in the company. There were three of them taking a paycheck, while i kept the company running. i never got greedy, I never asked for more money. And i was always patient when they told me. But they always took their paycheck first. One of the three is my ex-bosses wife. A nice lady but a complete nincompoop, when it came to technical support, sales, and payment processing. She’s pretty much been responsible for 75% of the outages that are caused at our location. Because she has either forgotten to pay the bill, or mismanaged the budget, and the internet was always being cut off. 

When this realization sunk in. I became angry. My new goal now is to recover my pay, and everything owed to me by any means possible. I still won’t sink to sabotage, but I will start consulting labor lawyers. 

-GET A HAIRCUT AND GET A REAL JOB-

One of the perks of working from home is the lack of need towards grooming. My beard is in a constant state of shaggyness, I often find myself going to work in my sleep clothes and my hair has gotten very long.   Check it out:

 

So I was going to need a haircut. I called my brother up who I often used to trim the sides of my hair to save barber fees. He was extremely reluctant because any expertise he had was just buzz cuts.  But I couldn’t go out and spend money on a barber or a salon. Unemployed people don’t have fancy haircut money. So I convinced him to come over and give it a shot. And if he screwed it up we could always just shave it all off, right?

He was listening to a Top 100 songs of 1994 countdown and this song began to play as the trimming started.  Completely appropriate lyrics.

:

“Oh no, It go, It gone, Bye Bye”

First thing had to go was my ponytail. I hate it, but it was an unnecessary evil to keep my hair in check. i wont be sad to see it go.

“Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked.” 

My then started to experiment with different looks as he cut away,

Then he made a really bad cut where i ended up looking like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber.

Then I discovered I had a part in my head I couldn’t get rid off.

Lord don’t let me end up with a Hitler haircut. I prayed.

He wanted to shave it off. But We were able to work it out when i wet my hair. Then he began to style it in all sorts of metrosexual ways.

This one was my favorite cause it reminded me of Daniel Day Lewis in “There Will Be Blood”

"I’ll drink your Milkshake”

“Lying on the floor, Lying on the floor! I've come undone”

I guess in the end it doesn’t look so bad for a free haircut.

I was upset about it at first., But once I showered and combed it and styled it, It looks way better than the above photos. Or so I hope.

-MOTIVATION-

Once my brother and his wife left. He sent me a text saying he left me 100 bucks inside my iPhone case.  I was floored. And shocked. I blow through a  hundred dollars like it’s nobody’s business. For them it’s a lot harder to come by. I was also angry that my former employers left me in such a situation that he thought he should have to leave me some money. This is my little baby brother. I should be the one looking out for him.

I texted him back that I wasn’t in such dire straits, that I needed his money yet. But I really appreciated the sentiment. 

I vowed to myself that I would get a job before I would have a need to use that money.

Unemployment Diary Day 2: Why Don’t You Get a Job?

Day 2: Why Don’t You get a Job?

I woke up this morning and realized it was the first non vacation weekday in a long time, where I didn’t have to snooze my alarm.  I checked the phone expecting it to read something far into the afternoon. But it was only 10 AM. I cant even do being unemployed “sleeping-in”, right.

This song was running through my head as I awoke.

I was completely satisfied, with just sitting around the house.Until my Last and Security deposits run out and start selling off my comic book and dvd collection, then move to some remote tropical island with my iPad and Windows Home server. But that sonuvabitch Dexter Holland and the Offspring wouldn’t let me be and invaded my subconscious.

Sometime after 10 my boss called. Sorry, my “former” boss called.

“Hey did you send me that resume?”

I hadn’t. I’m not sure if I could continue to work for someone In any capacity who would fuck me over like this.  I told him I had. And he said he would check it immediately.  Then he said I should contact a certain former coworker.  Who was now doing separate business dealings with the company. Or that he could contact him for me.  This former co-worker already had spoken to me about the possibility of hiring me. And said he would get back to me. I’m still waiting for that contact. 

I decided to go ahead and update my resume and send it to him. It really couldn’t hurt. Plus this was something I was going to have to do anyway. I was the supreme master at creative resume padding.

King of the World? Check! Master Hacker? Check! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Check!

When I was done, Obama would be hiring me to handle the budget crisis, or shine his shoes. Win Win!

I got on facebook and a few people had sent me job opportunities. Thanks Jose and Casey. But mostly there were jokes. Not so much at my expense. But it was alright, many of the jokemakers had also been in that similar situation.  But I had responsibilities and did not have “living with my Mom” as a fallback. I need a fucking job. Yesterday.

I went out to pick up Ally. Something I’ve only done on the first day of her school.  She was extremely surprised. I have not explained the situation to her yet, because two weeks ago I explained the concept of homelessness to her. There had been a crazy bum panhandling and annoying people at a local restaurant. And she asked me why he was doing this. I explained he had no home. No job and probably no family to stay with, This was the most horrible thing she ever heard. Her first dose of reality. She was immediately saddened by this and began to cry. “I don’t want to be homeless” she said. I explained to her that her parents would never let her be homeless. That this was the reason I work everyday. That we would make sure she finishes school and then is able to get a good job for herself and be able to buy a house and thus insuring she would never be homeless. This seemed to comfort her, because she smiled and hugged me. That smile is the reason I go to work everyday. But now I’m out of work.

I realized that i would have to start making changes. Already I was living paycheck to paycheck. But most of the jobs out there in the same field paid considerably less. I might be bringing home up to a 1000 dollars less every month.

I decided to humor myself and visit the Goodwill. I didn’t need or want anything. But this is what money conscious people do right? Found a pair of Bratz Skate shoes  in Ally’s size for 4 Bucks. Original retail price 29.99. Score! Yeah I was still buying unnecessary junk. But I was saving money now! And saving the environment. Reduce Reuse Recycle! ;)

I got home and I had a response from the former coworker with a possible job opportunity. It just wasn’t the one i was looking for.

“Can I use you as a reference?”

”Sure.”

Maybe I should have been more direct.

“Nigga, can I get a JOB?”

I swallowed my pride and put in an application for Comcast instead. I fucking HATE comcast. Anyone who knows me, knows of my long and storied battles with them. Which only got worse when I started working for a Wi-Fi company that needed to have direct dealings with them. Many, many times, Have I yelled into that phone, expecting better, different results. It never ever changed anything. If i had an enemies list, they would be number 2 on that list. 

But I’m already a hypocrite rite? I pay them every month to fuck me in the ass whenever possible. So why not go to work for them. This way They’d be paying me to rape people. Plus free internet service and cable tv. Woot. Plus they have one of the coolest jobs around.

This is an excerpt from my twitter.

kortanaskew : Go to hell #Comcast. Someone should put a Cap in you.  12:01 AM Jan 13th

It was an admittedly rash and juvenile tweet, over some bad misinformation i got from facebook. I was surprised to get a Response.

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew can we help? 9:11 AM Jan 13th

I got a same day response from Comcast via twitter? Not even my friends read this thing. I didn’t even direct it at him. Just threw it out into the ether.

He is part of the Customer Service Operations Digital Media Outreach team. Fuck that’s an awesome job. Yes, Comcast Doug, You can help me. How do I get YOUR job?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       So Now It’s been 3 months since I was contacted by him. But when looking up this info on my iPhone I accidentally sent comcastdoug a blank tweet. He responded quickly.

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew what can I do for you???? my friend.

He called me his friend? Comcast Doug Are you for real? Then he hit me back with this:

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew oh and no cap in me.. I am here to help!!!

Comcast Doug. You sir, are a class act.

Unemployment Diary Day One

Hi.

I’ve recently as of Monday found myself unemployed.  This is what has transpired so far.

Day One.

Woken up by a 9 am call from my boss. I hate these. Usually means i won’t be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the day.  He also has beaten my iPhone alarm. Which is also set to go off at 9 am. That mean’s he dialed exactly as his watch struck 9.

“Did I wake you?”

“Huh? Of Course not. Go ahead”

He begins to tell me of exciting new changes within the company. And he will no longer need the services of the other employee. I’m with him so far. Sales and Support will now be handled by the company they are merging with.  And here I am expecting him to say , like he’s told me numerous times before, that i will be handling the Network Infrastructure and providing Tier 2 support., to the new employees.  

Then he goes on to say. Our work with you will now be project based.  *RECORD SCRATCHES*

“Say What?” Project based? I can’t feed my family on projects. What they told me is after 5 years. And after keeping their company afloat for 3 of those years, on my back. That I’m fucked. 

“Send in a resume to the new company and we’ll be glad to submit it.”

This didn’t just happen overnight. You kept me on the hook with promises, and not paying me on-time for several months. Just to fuck me like this? Wonderful.

I can’t tell you how many people lied to me during this process. People I thought were my friends, and were looking out for my interests as well. People I did favors for because they requested them of me. That their company was having issues. And I needed to be patient in collection of my pay.

“You Just need to Chill for Today”

Why he said this like I would be coming in to work tomorrow I did not know. This is repugnant behavior.

“I don’t even have access to the server”

You never did. I made sure of that.  But I checked my access, Email. Website, Phone. Server, Billing system. All revoked. But I am the only one.  In fact password changes had begun on Thursday of last week. But they lied to me about why it was done.

This is when i realized I was terminated.  "You Just need to Chill For Today” indeed. How about chilling for the rest of my life?

After realizing what had occurred. What was done to two previous network admins. And what they had made me do to other co-workers. I decided against destroying their business. from the inside. I needed to collect my money, I have access to a lot of the routers and a lot oft he locations. I could call each one individually and do hardware resets on the routers. It would take them several days and several hundreds of dollars in manpower to deduce what had happened. But they still owe me money.  And this behavior is beneath me.  At least for now.

“Do you have any questions for me?” Yeah where the fuck is all the back pay you owe me? Plus Expenses and Bonuses.

I decided to file for unemployment. Fat lot of good it will do me though, I am several weeks behind in pay already. I spoke with Unemployment expert Josh and he said it would be several weeks before i would see any benefits. But that doesn’t matter since former coworkers had failed to recieve any such benefits from this company.

If I had known this situation had been coming. I would have found another job. Had my resume floating around sooner. Curbed my spending habits. I just bought an iPad and had an expensive get together at my house.  And Ive been spending my income tax refund to pay the bills I couldn’t afford because of my employers paying me late.

“We know you have a family and don’t want to leave you in the lurch”

But you did motherfucker. You just Did.

 

Ôdishon

In the time after the 48 Hr Film Fest debacle,  Serge had eventually explained that he had some computer issues and could not get in touch with me. This was a likely explanation after all I didn’t have his number either. But fuck that guy. I got to give him credit though. He didn’t stop trying to make attempts on collaborating on a project.  He and Leonard friend each other on facebook and movie talks resumed once more.

12/9/09

I decided to give them both another shot and started to pitch some ideas. Mostly some bro-mance pieces, that I felt would be lucrative.

12/16/09

Serge suggested we enter the Canon Can-do Contest. He said he had the tools, all we needed to bring was the talent. I wasn’t really to keen on contributing another script for another dead end project. My faith at this point was non existent. I had recently given Leonard both the Norwood scripts. He didn’t think that was the right project for now. He felt that the pacing was entirely different between the two scripts.

12/17/09

L: I think I got a 4 minute script about the Lunchroom crowd.

S: Sound’s like a fun read send it over and let’s see what it’s about.

12/18/2009

At this point we’ve all taken a look at the original script.  There was much feedback. I don’t think any of us actually got it.

L:  I could change the ending to have the girl kill him and herself if we want to got dark..

J:  Nah it doesn’t need to go dark. Not every independent movie needs to have someone die in it. I think though i don’t get the ending the way it is now. I think you need to go linear in the story telling.  You introduced it as short about the lunchroom crowd. but its really more about the guy telling his coworkers a bunch of things that happened off-screen, or in flashback and doesn’t take place at all in the lunchroom.

L: True, just the type of talk that goes on in the lunchroom here at work. Its up to you guys, i would like the kick off the new year right with a project and see what happens. I am getting ready to do another script , just fleshing out the ideas.

Serge thought that the Lunchroom gossip would be a great idea for an indie flick. And so the project began to take shape. Leonard worked on putting up auditions at Mandy.com and we decided that we would use Serge’s place all the way up in Coral Springs.

1/23/10

The day of auditions had arrived. We took the long drive to Serge’s house.  Things seemed to be disastrous at first. A bunch dudes sitting around watching Mexican comedians on Netflix and listening to Nickelback or whatever the fuck Serge had on his stereo.

Plenty of people had responded to Leonard’s audition posting and said they would show up. Worried that the project had suffered a major setback I decided to call a  friend, in the hope I could attempt to convince her to try her hand at acting.

When she gets there, there is no available parking. Serge recommends an available open lot down the street from his house. Due to the unknown neighborhood factor, I decide to ride with her, so I can walk her back to the house. On the way back, while chatting and catching up on each others lives. Or rather me listening and her blabbing away, we pass a couple of dudes playing basketball in front of their home.

“Excuse me Ms. I have a question for you. is that your boyfriend?”

Even though I’m not it wasn’t exactly obvious as she was on my arm as we walked down the street. This was enough to set her off. There was a back and forth exchange between them, that eventually got out of hand and I felt the need to step in. By that time the main guy was enraged enough to make an attempt to start a confrontation. I dwarfed him in size but felt no desire to actually engage in some fisticuffs. I asked him to allow me the courtesy to escort the lady in the house and I assured him i would indeed return to “take care of him.”

 

The guy picked up the largest brick he could find and held it above him ready to smash across my head. Calmly i began to walk my friend away from him. But that’s when she got a bit louder and decided the best course of action was to call the Police. The would be assailant and failed wooer took off promising retribution.

“I know where you parked your car motherfucker.”  He said to me.

“That ain’t my car, Idiot.”  I yelled back.

The police would soon arrive. I was extremely embarrassed that a civilized audition, due to my actions had now turned into a Jerry Springer situation.

When the police arrived we discovered that the guy had fled the scene. But left her with a parting gift.

 

The police in South Florida have always been completely useless. So it didn’t surprise me that they weren’t interested in helping beyond filing a report.  Serve and Protect? Yeah right.  That’s what they do when they Serve you a ticket so they can Protect their pension.  Collecting evidence must also be an absurd notion, because the cop brushed aside the Giant WEAPON the savage left on her car. The same WEAPON he threatened my life with earlier.

Still the day was not all bust. Serge had now contacted us and told us our first victim had arrived.

The Lunchroom - Casting Auditions - Theresa on Vimeo.

Debra delivered an interesting monologue from The Accused and is quickly ushered out the door by Leonard. I’m told she barely had time to gulp down the juice Serge had offered her. Leoanrd said he wanted to keep things moving.

Soon after we had a second audition. Federico came in an tried out for the role of Victor.

The Lunchroom - Casting Auditions - Victor on Vimeo.

He read from the script and a monologue of his own creation. We pretty much offered him the role on the spot. I guess it helped that he was the only one who had auditioned for the male lead at this point. He seemed pretty excited to join the cast at the moment.  We didn’t really get to build a rapport with him, as he was quickly rushed out the door as well. We were pumped because now that we had our convincing Victor, the rest of the cast can be filled with friends and inexperienced actors, if it came down to that.  

The last Audition for the day was Ashton Pina.

The Lunchroom - Casting Auditons - Victor #2 on Vimeo.

He read us from the script and a monologue from Suburbia. Check out an alternate angle of the audition here. He didn’t seem quite right for the role of Victor. He had unfortunately come after Federico and there for had to follow his performance. But we definitely saw some potential in Ashton and we let him know even if we didn’t use him on this project this was going to be the first of many, and we may contact him again. It probably sounded like we were blowing him off, but in a nice way.

After the auditions, we discussed possible alternate endings, something that would  make the four minute short memorable. We also had a a couple of table reads with Serge, and his brother each taken turns doubling for Victor.  All in all it was a pretty good experience and we learned a few things.

1) A bunch of guys sitting down staring at actors, can be quite intimidating. So we hope to include a woman in the next audition process we hold.

2) We need to get contact info on the actors before they arrive. That way we can ask them where the hell they are when they don’t show.

3) Scheduled Auditions beat open auditions. We wasted half the day sitting around. If we give each individual an appointment, we can wrap things up quicker.

I think I can speak for the rest of the guys by saying that we felt the project was on a roll now. Auditioning actors gives you huge sense of power. We were all ready to start coming up with projects so we can hold auditions. Even if we weren’t going to film them.

Another 48 Hrs.

7/22/09

Leonard contacted me about the 48Hour film fest. It’s Part film festival Part Amazing race. The goal of the contest was to create a film from scratch over 48 hours. Friday night you would receive props and keywords you would have to incorporate into your script. Then you would spend the next two days, shooting, editing, and scoring your production. It sounded difficult as hell, and a whole lot of fun. This also wasn’t the first time we had a desire to enter, Back then we never even got into the planning stages. Hindered by the same old problem.

“Are they providing a camera” I asked. I knew the answer was no already. I just wondered if Leonard had any specific ideas on where we would get one.

“No we’re going to have to provide that” he said. I had recently gotten back in touch with Serge via facebook. And he seemed anxious for a new project. I told Leonard that he had all the equipment we needed and now would be the time for collaboration. Since we couldn’t prepare in advance, except for gathering the crew. We would all be in the same boat and have the same level of investment in the project. It seemed perfect. Leonard had few go to guys when it came to scoring the music. So it was beginning to click into place.

The film’s genre was also to be decided on Friday night. It was to be a 4-7 minute project. I was confident I could write it and write it fast enough. Even If I had to turn in my own version of Laser Cats. We both knew that with 4-7 minutes the only way to win the contest, was to have a real flashy movie.

“Dude, what if we pull a romance movie?” Leonard asked.

“That’s where my scripts shine the most” I assured him. “Don’t you remember all that girly-ass dialogue in Last Call.”
“Yeah but how do we make THAT flashy?” He had a good point and I began to get concerned.

I decided to contact Serge and see if he was down before we went any further. He got back to me in with all his usual excitement and fervor.

“HELL MOTHER FUCKING YEAH IM READY DUDE! COME UP TO CORAL SPRINGS AND HAVE DINNER WITH ME UP HERE, I HAVE MY STUDIO SET IN MY CRIB WITH ALL THE SHIT WE NEED, I JUST TOOK A 3 WEEK VACATION TO START NEXT WEEK SO IM GOOD!”

7/23/09

I began to request actors on craigslist. The idea was to create a list of actors who were available that weekend, and sort them by genres that they felt comfortable with. So when the time came we’d have a contact list at our disposal. We had a meeting setup with Serge on Sunday and I asked Leonard to come along so we could all familiarize ourselves with each other. I had also invited Eric on to the project. That way we both could take a turn at script writing. There was way too many restrictions, and I didn’t want to choke when all the pressure was riding on me. A backup writer made complete and perfect sense.

7/26/09

We patiently awaited Serge’s call for our meeting later that evening. I felt stupid now because the only contact info I had for him was email and facebook. We didn’t have a choice. There was no contingency plan. So we wait around all day like a girl that got stood up for high school prom.

“Maybe he’ll call later” I said.
“Yeah he did say he wanted to meet up for dinner” said Leonard.
Fuck you serge. *cries* I’m sitting up here with my corsage on. And you didn’t even call.

7/27/09

“Any Luck?”

“No he never called” I said. “It’s strange cause he’s been after me to collaborate on something everyday. I really wish this could happen. Just so we could prove we could do something”

“Don’t we all. Oh well there’s always next year”

“No. No there isn’t. Not this time. Not again” I just refused to give up. I was going to try something. Anything.

“Don’t know anyone with the equipment. The guy I know from work. Says his group is full”

The truth was that there was no limit to how many people can be in your group. There was no point in telling Leonard that. Since his co-worker didn’t want us on the team anyways.

“What kind of camera you got?”

“Leonard you seen my camera. It’s not even HD. But if you want to just go for it and shoot and not have it look entirely professional. I’m down with that.” No one said we had to win. Just get it done.

“No, I was hoping it was HD at least. it will look like ass otherwise.”

7/28/09

We used the powers of the internet to try and find ourselves a new crew. There was a yahoo group trying to match up crews together. No one was looking for two losers with no equipment, though. I posted a craigslist ad, looking for people with equipment ready to join the crew. The 48 Hour film fest also had a website setup for crew members looking to volunteer their time. But all the contacts we’re people needing grips to lug equipment around. No one was needing writing or directing talent.

“The guy at work said the groups were like 6 or 7 people”

“I didn’t see any size limits,” At this point I told Leonard I was willing to get like 30 guys together to pitch in like ten bucks a pieces so we can rent a camera and gear. It was going to be like a PYRAMID scheme for filmmakers.

8/4/09

I was beginning to get a few contacts from Craigslist.

“Hello. I read your post in craigs list and I'm very interested in joining your crew. I have a Sony FX-1000 HDV camera and Sony Vegas Pro 9 Editing program. My girlfriend is a professional make-up artist and would be interested in working too. Let me know if you're interested. Best regards Raul”

“Hi There I would like to help you with your project, I have a workstation setup for sound production, but sometimes I use it for video editing, also I have a couple microphones. I'm not interested in money, I just want to learn film production and meet people. Let me know if you think I can help you. Sincerely Gio”

“I was about to volunteer but then realized that I would be in Hartford on those days. But please let me know if you're doing any other projects. I took part in the 48Hour contest a few years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't much equipment to speak of (Panasonic DVC60, some Home Depot lights, etc..) but will be getting a XHA1S at some point in the next couple months. I have A couple vids on YouTube - search for Notarized and HydroBLADES team vid... All the best, Kwan”

“Hi! I am an actor and did a 48 hour film project last year and it was a lot of fun. My husband and I would both be interested. Sing”

So now we had leads on a cameraman. Editing software. Sound studio, makeup artist and a couple of actors. Our first step was to invite the camera man to the 48 Hour film fest kick-off event that coming Thursday at a Star Bucks. There would also be a good opportunity to meet up with actors.

8/7/09

We had not heard back from Raul the new camera guy. Yet we still weren’t worried. The goal of the 48 hour film festival is to put together something at the last minute without any sort of preparation. If it works then great, but if it all falls apart then we’d have lost nothing but time. Maybe we could get a few reels, some bloopers or some bad reality TV behind the scenes drama to hoist up on YouTube.

“I just really want to make sure we have some sort of equipment”, Leonard said. “Everything else we can just deal with. I really want to do SOMETHING. It’s all i got left” He definitely seemed desperate, for him to leave himself open like that.

“Dude we can make something. Even it its just for laughs, Or YouTube. Why are we always so hampered?”

“Seems like shit always gets in the way. Now I feel like I’m just doing time. And I’m not even behind bars.”

“Yeah but it’s more than that. Filmmakers live and breathe movies. They’re always kicking around ideas and writing down scripts”

I couldn’t even remember the last time we sat together and discussed a script. Or the last time we had seen a movie together. And fresh ideas were things that neither of us had talked about in a long ass time. All our old scripts predated the birth of all of our children. Family had taken just about every ounce of extra and energy and thought we had.

“I was watching Entourage the other day and watched As Eric went through all these scripts, faceless unknown writers had sent into to studios, and I thought to Myself. Why? Why haven’t I sent in one original idea. Just to see what would stick. So it’s not just you, it’s me too, sitting around dawdling”

“I did send yours in…”

What the fuck!? He sent my script in without telling me? I hadn’t even copyrighted it yet.

“To who?”

“Fox and CBS. I got the standard rejection letter.”

“That’s because the opening of ‘Last Call’ sucked” I could admit that now. I always knew it was slow. But I had hopes it would work out in the editing room. The movie itself would have been golden.

“I even had query letters. Those are a 2 page synopsis with which audience types it would be aiming for. Just to see if anyone would pick up the script. Or if and Agent would like it and shop it around.”

“Doesn’t matter. It would have worked as a movie. tightly edited I would have turned it into American Graffiti.”

“Well on premise alone, everyone told us to fuck off.”

Leonard had seen my script for “Last Call” as his version of the Breakfast Club. It’s not a vision that I didn’t share. But at the time teen movies were complete and utter failures. I explained this to him and we talked about new trends in Hollywood. Judd Apatow had becomes successful by cornering the male romantic comedy. Film’s like 40 Year Old Virgin and Forgetting Sarah Marshall were just at their core romantic comedies. And that's what ‘Last Call’ was also.

“Sure I could see it” Leonard said. “What i couldn’t do is make OTHERS see it”

“Not at that time.”

“SO what do you think is the next curve? Seems like everything is remake city nowadays. All I know is that I’m just waiting to die”

“ I feel your pain Leonard. But you’ve forgotten how to enjoy yourself. You seemed to have accepted your fate. We got to change our mindset. We stopped being filmmakers long ago, because we stopped talking about making films.”

“That’s, true. I know. So what’s the Plan? Are we going for it?”

“What the fuck, am I going use My Cock and Balls to shoot the Movie? But If the guy contacts me. Then yeah. We’re going for it. Even if it sucks. Even if its just Eric and Josh acting.”

“Sigh. So we are just hanging on equipment then?”

“Yeah. I can’t afford to rent it. it’s not just camera, but lights, microphone, and we need to able to edit.” The 48 Hour film fest sounded like a blast. But realistically we needed to be looking further down the road. Shooting something on our own time.

“Feels like I’m suffocating under the weight of continuing to do the same shit” said Leonard. “Any word from that dude yet?”

The 48 Hour film Project came and went, and we filed it away under E. For EPIC Fail.

Lunchroom Conversations

Cut to:  4 Years later.

At this point, Leonard had long since returned from his Texan Odyssey, and his family now had 3 additions. I myself had now adjusted into family life as well. Dreams of filmmaking, were just dreams now. We talked about it now and then. But nothing ever really came of it.

The Lunchroom was part of one of those typical discussions, when it first entered my life.

The following are a series of IM and SMS messages centered around the Lunchroom short. They show the evolution of the script and the project to what it became today. 

4/21/09

L: You have Final draft installed?

J: I have a copy of it. Why what’s up?

L: I need you to look over a script of mine. I want to enter that contest that Twan sent me. So I’m putting something together. 

( I have no idea what contest he originally planned to enter. But it’s not the same one we are shooting for now)

L: But there is only a 20 minute time frame. So I'm trying to crush everything in that time frame.

(Our current goal is to edit the Lunchroom down to 4 Minutes!)

You have successfully received lunchroom.fdr!

J: I don’t know what this script is about but i got to say Lunchroom is a rad name for a teen comedy. The name alone has my head spinning with possibilities. Lunchroom can be like a PG13 Superbad!

(I think this is the very first time that the name was even discussed to be ‘Lunchroom’. I think Leonard always planned on changing it later)

L: Its an office setting. About a straight girl trying to get a gay guy. The point is that they are acting Like they are in Junior High.

J: oh okay.

L. I only got three pages. I'm trying to tighten the dialogue

J: So do you have another draft or is it filed in your head.

L: in my head. I'm putting down a few sections at a time. There are 3 incidents. The Lunch room. The car ride home. and the Obscene Phone calls

(Interestingly enough, the obscene phone calls never made it to either the final draft or shooting scripts and In fact I had forgotten all about it)

L: I'm off to work. I'm going to punch a few more pages out today. I’ll send them.

4/22/09

L: Should Victors voice be used in the Flashbacks? Even when a female speaks?

J: in flashback you can always just do the intro voiceover. and then have people use their regular voice. Or he can do the voices for everyone. Which are good for shorter flashbacks.

(It should be noted that the flashback scenes contain no dialogue now, except voice over.)

6/7/09

J: Eric moved back.

L. back where? Home?

J: Yeah right back in with his mom and dad.

(This information is irrelevant for now. I only included this because Eric would eventually rejoin our team)

7/1/09

J; You finished that Gay script you were writing?

L: Yup. But the co-writer bailed on me. You ready to jump behind a lens?

J: I been ready, You’re the one dawdling all the time. But seriously all these years and we never made even 1 short? That’s hard to believe.

L: Well at this point I can’t really do anything with the gay script. It’s sort of in limbo.

J: What about ‘Family Ties”

L. I was just looking for that script. You got the stomach to try and rez that…….

And just like that The Lunchroom was destined to be another forgotten project. Many months would pass before I’d hear about it again.