Horror Movie A Day: Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter

This review centers around the 1974 Hammer Studios Picture, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter.

As if the title alone wouldn’t pique your interest, how’s this hodgepodge that make up the ingredients in our film. We got a sexy gypsy girl who likes to dance on Sunday and screw every other living moment she gets, a genius hunchback that’s a cross between James Bond’s Q and Buffy’s Giles and just as equally an English gentlemen. And then there’s Kronos himself,  a captain in her Majesty’s army who returned home from the wars, to be greeted by a kiss from his mother and younger sister. A Vampire's kiss on the neck. First he slew them, then he devoted the rest of his life to destroying the Vampire menace, with his trusty Japanese Katana,

Kronos is cool, handsome and debonair. He is the 19th century English equivalent of Shaft. He’s a man of few words and all types of action. If' he’s not busy giving it to the ladies, he’s resting to save up his strength to fight Vampires. He’s been called to the village of an old friend, a doctor who’s sewed up our hero’s wounds once or twice before. Young girls have gone missing and in their place, old crones have been found. Kronos suspects it is a vampire, as there are many different types of Vampires. This one is a youth Vampire, stealing the young maiden’s most precious gifts. Just as there are many types of vampires there are many different ways to kill them. It’s hilarious to see them try every single form on one particular Vampire.

This movie is crazy fun and highly enjoyable. It never takes itself too seriously. But doesn’t let the camp get in the way of the terror. this isn’t a comedy. The ending is a swashbuckling scene with no rival. a Vampire who’s a former grand master sword fighting champion ahs returned to life. The only one who can stop him is Captain Fucking Kronos: Vampire Hunter.

If you want to see a film that Buffy the Vampire Slayer owes its roots too, admittedly or not. this is it.  This is the film Van Helsing should have been. 

I recommend this to children of all ages, Buffy fans, and anyone who is a fan of comic books. I give it three Hunchback Henchmen.