Halloween Horror Nights 2008

I didn’t take a lot of terribly good pictures of the 2008 Halloween Horror Nights trip.

For those that didn’t make the trip last year. The following movies would approximate the adventure.

The Punisher 2004 – Event Horizon – Doomsday – Jaws 3

– Ready To Rumble

Our First stop was Busch Gardens Howl-O-Scream in Tampa. It was fucking exhausting keeping up with Eric’s nightmare pace.  He kept dragging me from one end to the other without giving me a chance to enjoy the atmosphere. There was some decent houses but I didn’t get a chance to hit all of them up. Here  are a few of the decent snapshots of the houses I was able to take. Sorry for the bad picture quality, but I had to rely on the iPhone 3G without an external light source, I did not have the camera charged,

 

The next morning just like the Punisher I took a stroll through the mean streets of Tampa. Hit up a comics shop and a record store.

I was surprised to see Books and Music had a lot of old stock from Peaches Records and Tapes the now defunct music store that I spent a lot of my youth loitering in.

I picked up a few books, one of which was Box Office Poison by Alex Robinson

A fantastic read about the adventures of young adults in New York City. Mostly dealing with growing up and getting past that quarter-life crisis we deal with when friends start coming out of college and beginning interesting lives and careers and we just sit there seemingly going nowhere, merely wasting days.

 

We then headed over the Bay to St. Pete.

I was very curious about St. Petersburg because I’ve been mulling about the idea of moving there. Imagining a simpler and cheaper life, still living near the ocean, instead of the Atlantic, the Gulf of Mexico. We stopped of at one of the beaches to check it out.

 

The water was some of the bluest I’ve seen close to land. And crystal clear, tiny schools of fish were visible at the shore.

Our next stop would be Universal Studios.

We hooked up with my brother and some of his friends. Once again a lack of pictures, also very little time to enjoy the park. Long lines and and an early closing time kept us moving about.

We did get to see the new Simpsons Ride. And Haunted Houses based on Doomsday and Event Horizon.

The next day we hit up Sea World.

Where we got to see all sorts of aquatic life. And drink loads of free beer.

 

The best part though was the Shark Encounter.

Which featured an underwater shark tunnel, very different than the fictionalized one in Jaws 3.

 

and we ate at the Sharks Underwater Grill.

I kept hoping for a Great White to pop out through the glass and bite someone..

We Concluded the two day Sea World Saga with some Sea World Skeeball. My lifetime obsession with this crap game continues.

We moved back to Universal Studios for a taping of TNA Impact.

 

Got to see ODB

The newly arrived Booker T

 

and the debut of Mick Foley.

All in all it was a great four day trip and a much needed vacation at the time.

I am Looking forward to Halloween Horror Nights 2009, which at the time of this writing starts next Friday.

Horror Movie A Day: Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter

This review centers around the 1974 Hammer Studios Picture, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter.

As if the title alone wouldn’t pique your interest, how’s this hodgepodge that make up the ingredients in our film. We got a sexy gypsy girl who likes to dance on Sunday and screw every other living moment she gets, a genius hunchback that’s a cross between James Bond’s Q and Buffy’s Giles and just as equally an English gentlemen. And then there’s Kronos himself,  a captain in her Majesty’s army who returned home from the wars, to be greeted by a kiss from his mother and younger sister. A Vampire's kiss on the neck. First he slew them, then he devoted the rest of his life to destroying the Vampire menace, with his trusty Japanese Katana,

Kronos is cool, handsome and debonair. He is the 19th century English equivalent of Shaft. He’s a man of few words and all types of action. If' he’s not busy giving it to the ladies, he’s resting to save up his strength to fight Vampires. He’s been called to the village of an old friend, a doctor who’s sewed up our hero’s wounds once or twice before. Young girls have gone missing and in their place, old crones have been found. Kronos suspects it is a vampire, as there are many different types of Vampires. This one is a youth Vampire, stealing the young maiden’s most precious gifts. Just as there are many types of vampires there are many different ways to kill them. It’s hilarious to see them try every single form on one particular Vampire.

This movie is crazy fun and highly enjoyable. It never takes itself too seriously. But doesn’t let the camp get in the way of the terror. this isn’t a comedy. The ending is a swashbuckling scene with no rival. a Vampire who’s a former grand master sword fighting champion ahs returned to life. The only one who can stop him is Captain Fucking Kronos: Vampire Hunter.

If you want to see a film that Buffy the Vampire Slayer owes its roots too, admittedly or not. this is it.  This is the film Van Helsing should have been. 

I recommend this to children of all ages, Buffy fans, and anyone who is a fan of comic books. I give it three Hunchback Henchmen.

Horror Movie A Day: Martin

(I missed a review yesterday, but not a movie. Expect a catch-up review shortly.)

Today’s movie is a very modern Vampire tale from George Romero director of Night of the Living dead and it’s many sequels. Martin is an 84 year old Vampire. The sunlight only slightly bothers his eyes, he doesn’t have any fangs, or at least he doesn’t use them, and he doesn’t have any super strength or any vampire powers whatsoever. He uses drug filled needles to subdue his victims. But he does drink blood. He gets the shakes if he doesn’t. He stalks his prey like any vicious predator, he takes him time to make sure he doesn’t screw anything up.  He can’t afford to screw up, if he doesn’t get his blood he gets the shakes. His mind is bombarded with Vampire flashbacks, from his early days as a Vampire. Or so we think at first. As the movie progresses we realize that maybe Martin isn’t who he thinks he is.  And that his flashbacks aren’t memories, but visions that his deluded mine has created, visions that resemble and parody old monster movies. 

Maybe Martin is insane, and his belief that he is a vampire and that he needs the blood to live, has turned him into a serial killer, a real life monster. But if he is crazy he’s not the only one. Martin lives with his elderly cousin, an old world European type, who wholeheartedly believes Martin is Nosferatu.  And that the family curse is his burden to bear. He must be Martin’s caretaker. But he will not tolerate his nocturnal activities in their small hometown. Martin works a part-time job at his cousin’s store delivering groceries. He strikes up a  friendship with a desperate housewife, that turns sexual. She enjoys the company since her husbands been neglecting her, It’s a new experience for Martin as he has never been close with a woman before with out all the bloodletting. 

This is a low-budget film and it looks it. Its shot with 1 camera with many friends and family of the crew starring in the picture. I’m not going to lie and say it looks expensive, but it just goes to show you don’t need a $100 million dollar budget to make a shocking and thought provoking film. Hell Romero probably shot this under a 100k. The opening sequence of the film is a tense, Martin stalks a lady aboard a train. He gets into her private room and tussles with her for what goes on forever. Martin can barely overpower, and you feel bad for the lady but you also don’t want him to get caught.  You also wonder with the quality of the rest of the film, if Romero and his crew were also in danger of getting caught. I don’t think they had permission to soot a murder scene on the train.

This is a hell of a film and You’ll feel like Freud analyzing not just Martin and his family, but everyone in the film has issues that could be worked out with an weekly session at the shrink. You also start to wonder why you root for Martin, being that he is a murderer. You suspect it’s because he was driven to that by his crazy ass family. Martin’s closest modern day counterpart is Showtime’s Dexter. And just like with Dexter you start to believe this serial killer is the sanest person in the film. Then you get to the very shocking end, which validates this thought. 

It’s an amazing film and Romero proves he can do something other than Zombies. This is just a good a film as Dawn of the Dead, if not better. Because days later you'll still be thinking about Martin. I recommend it to all in search of a realistic portrayal of Vampires and George Romero fans.

I give it 3 Vamp energy drinks.

Horror Movie A Day: Bram Stroker’s Dracula

 

Today’s movie is a live action cartoon directed by Francis Ford Coppola, supposedly based on the original novel by Bram Stroker. The hype machine following this movie was successful enough that It made rock stars out of Gary Oldman, Dracula, and Bram Stoker. People believed in the power of this movie, simply because of the attached byline that read “Bram Stroker’s” As if that in itself was supposed to mean something.  As if he personally endorsed this version.  The man had been dead exactly 80 years at this point and post young Americans who flocked to this movie had never even heard of him. Even the real Dracula Vlad the Impaler must have got himself a publicist, because there was a great deal of attention focused on him as well. He even got his own comic book.

I have to confess, that I waited 17 years to see this movie. I hate overhype. It sort of ruins the movie for me. The whole experience is tainted. This is why I avoid trailers and reviews and I try to see a film on opening weekend. So that friends and associates don’t spoil me not just with plot details, but there emotions after watching it.  There’s nothing worse than being told a movie is fan-fucking-tastic and in the end  all you’ve got is “Underworld”.  But is 17 years long enough?  I’ve had the bluray in my possession 2 years and still have been unable to watch it, Finally i forced myself to watch it. And I said to myself this, This cartoon is what lives on in the memory of people as the best Dracula ever made? because it was “realistic” and not Bela Lugosi hamming it up? You got to be fucking kidding me. Bram Stroker’s Dracula? Hell this isn’t even what one would imagine Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula would be. No this is Tim Burton’s Dracula. If he took it way too seriously. Imagine the disasters Sleepy Hollow and Sweeney Todd would be if Johnny Depp and Burton did not play it with the usual tongue in cheek style.

By now you think I hate this film and this is a negative review. And it might have been the case. But then something happened. Circumstances arose and I was unable to finish the movie in one sitting. By now we had entered the part where Gary Oldman’s Dracula had found Winona Ryder’s Mia and their chemistry just exploded onto the screen. Like Mia  i too was desperate to get back to Dracula. It’s an enjoyable film with many many flaws. Least of all the horrible acting by Keanu Reeves. In the film he has an atrocious English accent, that made its way from Southern California. He travels to Transylvania to sell Dracula some property. We discover that his fiancé Mina Murray is the spitting image of Dracula’s long dead wife, Elizabeta. Dracula keeps Keanu from returning to London and leaves him trapped at the castle at the mercy of his Vampire Brides. Completely drained of blood and spirit Keanu escapes and soon begins the most interesting of all subplots of the film, The Saga of Jonathan Harker’s hair. After he escapes Keanu’s hair turns grey, but at many points on the film, it becomes snow white, and back to his original hair color then back to grey again.

The film also features Sir Anthony Hopkins an almost lunatic with no scruples, Van Helsing. Its interesting how similar in tone and design Hopkins Van Helsing is to Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing. They are both rugged handsome versions of the character, They both sport long hair, duster coats and similar hats. They are alike right down to the ascot. Though they are both playing the same character, they can certainly pass for father and son.

The movie follows the same plot of almost any version of Dracula, except for the love story. It only begins to differ at the end when they track Dracula back to Transylvania in an attempt to destroy him and save Mina (now) Harker.  The climax of the story involves Neo, Hannibal Lecter, The Dread Pirate Roberts and the Rocketeer chasing down Dracula to his very doorstep, in an almost wild west western picture of the 1930’s.

I recommend it if you’ve never seen it. The cast and crew must have been outright bonkers when making it and turned out one gonzo movie. You swear Oldman is fucking insane half way through this and plays Dracula, not only as a creepy old count but as a sympathetic young prince too. You never know whether you should fear him or feel sorry for him.  It’s not quite Bram Stroker’s Dracula. The closest is still the original for me. Except for its contemporary (at the time) style. But it’s still a good film you’ll probably watch more than a few times. It’s sexy, scary and one hell of an adventure. Strong performances from Hopkins, and Oldman and surprisingly Winona Ryder will keep parts of this film timeless. After all it’s the only film in recent history with a werewolf rape scene.

I give it two and half Vlad’s.

Horror Movie A Day: 30 Days of Night

 

Today’s film is 30 Days of Night, The film pitch that became a comic that became a movie. Its a great modern vampire horror story with a twist. In all myth and legend Vampire are severely affected by Sunlight. Either they are severely weakened or destroyed when Dawn breaks. But what if there is no sunlight? In 30 Days of Night, renegade vamps tired of hiding in the shadows and feeding on whatever comes their way, decide to lay siege to a Northern Alaskan town where there is no Sun for you guessed it, 30 days.  The film plays out between your usually human squabbles, the towns sheriff is going through a bad breakup with the towns fire marshal. He doesn’t seem to get along with his little brother and everyone else is wondering why the fire marshal is leaving the sheriff. The Vampires don’t give a crap about any of this, and neither do we, the human are just cattle for them to feed on and for us to watch fall one by one with no emotional attachment to them.  The town’s initial destruction is great fun, But then the movie settles into your typical Zombie film, when they are all laid up in an attic, like the people in The Diary of Anne Frank, the film then collapses. There’s no real plot anymore beyond survival. Everyone’s get sick of the old guy’s whining and the macho men keep butting heads. The real danger isn't the vampire horde waiting for them outside but the stupidity of men inside. Even under life threatening situations we can’t get along. Where we should be as one, their tiny community starts to break down, and the survivors start to drop like flies. It’s been done many times before, so these situations they find themselves in are just asinine. You start to wonder if the people in these types of horror movies have EVER seen a horror movie. Because their fate is always the same.

The movie not only has its share of fright, but fast paced action too, with chase scenes full of destruction and mayhem. it’s beautifully shot in a remote Alaskan location most of us will never have the chance of seeing.  I liked movies that bring you something new, even in this day and age.  The movie works on many levels but it also fails on a few too. Mainly we don’t give a rat’s ass about any of the characters.  The leads are just too damn pretty to sympathize for. Josh Hartnett who usually delivers okay performances, just seems weak as the heartbroken sheriff. So your wife is leaving you, boohoo your Josh Hartnet, there's plenty of hot Eskimo babes to console you, I assure you of that my friend. And the fire marshal leaving him? Oh so you're tired of him being  withdrawn and not feeling a real connection. He’s a damned small town sheriff in Alaska. He went there to get away from people, cut him some slack. He probably is incapable of connecting to other humans. The rest of the supporting cast offers no comfort. They are interchangeable with every horror movie cast ever made. The most interesting characters are the Vampires, and they don’t even speak English. They just Grunt, shriek and speak in some ancient language. But they at least show a full range of emotions, from disgust and contempt to sorrow and vengeance.

I definitely recommend this movie. The vampires aren’t pretty, they are grotesque, immoral and they kill with impunity. There’s plenty of action and gore. The film brings us fresh ideas into Vampire movies, such as the town with no daylight, and the ending where one character willingly changes into  Vampire to put an end to the madness. There’s even a great scene with a child vampire feeding on corpses. Any Vampire and action fans will like this movie despite its flaws. The film also look fantastic in BluRay Hi-Def the colors are vibrant and pop out at you. Especially the red blood against the white snow.  

I give it Two and a Half Trade paperbacks.

Horror Movie A Day: Blacula

 

Today’s film is Blacula! The Black Avenger! According to the Trailer, Blacula is Dracula’s soul brother! Deadlier and More terrifying than Dracula!

 

William Marshall, The King of Cartoons, plays Prince Mamawalde of the Ibani tribe, an uppity negro who comes to Transylvania, spouting demands at Count Dracula. Talkin’ bout it’s time to abolish slavery, Count Drac, ya dig?  The Count outraged at the Prince’s defiance in the presence of white company, starts macking on the Prince’s wife right in front of him. The Prince was like, Have You lost your damned mind Drac? i ain’t gonna stand for this shit.  So Dracula takes a bite out of the Prince, seals him in a coffin never able to satisfy his bloodlust. He curses him with his name, and he shall forever be known As Blacula!

The movie picks up at least 100 years later in the swinging 70’s. Two gay antique dealers have just swooped in on a deal to buy Count Dracula's summer home. They find Blacula’s coffin and are excited about its kitschy value, they decide to crack it open. Blacula attacks them and in the process converts them into Vampires. Scientific Investigator Dr. Gordon Thomas, the films Black Van Helsing, starts investigating the strange murders happening around town. Because the victims are predominantly black he accuses the police of mishandling the investigation and overlooking the telltale signs of a vampire attack. The police try to blame the whole thing on gang activity and the Black Panthers. Eventually Blacula is drawn to young Tina, the spitting image or reincarnation of his African bride and also happens to be Dr. Thomas’ sister in law. Even though The good doctor has all sorts of PhD's and is a forensic super cop, what finally tips him off to the true identity of Blacula, is that nifty vampire cape Blacula’s wearing.  Armed with this knowledge Dr. Thomas must stop Blacula’s reign of terror and save young Tina.

This film is fantastic. It won the very first Saturn Award for best Horror film back in 1972.  Rated PG, It’s not that scary anymore, but it still has a decent plot, some creepy vampires, and great use of low budget special effects. It also has some top notch acting by the classically trained William Marshall, giving it his all in this absurd exploitation piece. The juxtaposition between William Marshall and characters such as Skillet the neighborhood playa is just bizarre

 

“Are we ready for our next Cartoon?”

The movie is far from perfect. The writing is full of cheap pops to get a rise out of the mostly black audiences. The trailer describes Blacula as the Black avenger, beating up on white cops. Maybe Blacula isn't such a bad guy after all, his only victims? Two gay guys and an annoying cab driver. He himself is the victim here, first by Dracula, and then by the police. After all they’re trying to kill him, and keep him away from his beloved Tina. One of the funniest things in the movie is that this 200 year old vampire prince from a remote African tribe, played by a  classically trained actor William Marshall, having to run away in fear from police sirens. Even Blacula has to run from the po-po.

I have to recommend this movie wholeheartedly to fans of Pee Wee’s Playhouse, Vampires, and Blaxploitation cinema. It's full of adventure and cheap pops. not to mention unintentional humor from the 1970’s era. Plus it also has a few firsts a Vampire of color and its the predecessor to modern Vampire films. While Blacula is an ancient, he’s still going around town, hitting the clubs and knocking boots with sexy chicks. Blacula, his Bite is Outta Sight.

I give it THREE nifty Vampire capes.