Horror Movie A Day: Dracula (1931) in Spanish.

For many years I’ve heard tell of a version of Dracula that came out the same year as the legendary 1931 version with Bela Lugosi. It supposedly feature the same script and set, but was filmed with a cast of Spanish speaking actors. And rumor has it, it was a vastly superior version.

Although I will admit, that Bela Lugosi is simply magnetic on screen, even to this day. I myself have never cared for the original Dracula. After the first 30 minutes or so It’s starts to drag and while I’m sure it was horrifying in it’s day, it’s just a big bore today It doesn’t hold up as well as Frankenstein, which is a much more lively and kinetic film. I have seen a version Universal put out with a Phillip Glass score that is absolutely amazing. The film at this point becomes a near masterpiece and is almost riveting. You almost wish you could turn down the other actor’s dialogue and just enjoy Lugosi with Philip Glass. But the original version has no score and therefore suffers tremendously as a result.

In the 1930’s it seems it was common practice for studios to make foreign language versions of many of their films. Not many of these survived, but Dracula luckily was one of the few. The English crew would wrap up in the evening, and the Spanish crew would come in then and work throughout the night. They had the benefits of watching the dailies every day and therefore took that opportunity to basically beat the English crew at their game. The result is a much stronger film. It’s darker, sexier, better artistic camera angles, which was a blessing at that time where most film work was static and dull. They also had an expanded running time that allowed the film to develop the storyline.

Oh and did I mention it was funnier? The Spanish cast was full of good humor and took some of the piss out of some of the absurd bits of the script. This keeps the film lively, cause it also suffers through some of the same pacing issues and lack of score. There was also some unintentional humor here as well. The actor who plays Dracula does his best, I’m sure, but he was told to mimic Lugosi to such an extent, he ends up looking like someone’s uncle Pancho in a cape.

“if you keep making that face it’s gonna stay that way”

In the end though, it’s surprisingly a decent flick, The actor who plays Renfield is amazing, The Hispanicized names are hilarious. (Jonathan Harker becomes Juan Harker). Oh and Lucy Westenra, or Lucia, doesn’t just die from the vampire’s bite. Through throwaway dialogue we’re told she awakens and becomes a mysterious lady in white who lures little children with candy and then drains their blood. No way would they have stood for this in the U.S. in 1931.

I enjoyed this and can recommend to anyone who can deal with subtitled score-less movies, or Hispanics who will get a kick out of some of the wacky dialogue chock full of Mexican slang. I give this film two Count von Count’s.

That’s two Count Von Count’s Ah-Ah-ah-ah-ah..

Horror Movie A Day: Vampyros Lesbos

For those of you who are male I probably don’t have to say more than just the film’s title to have you run out to the Blockbuster in search of it. Lesbian Vampires is the only thing that will resonate though your mind throughout the rest of this review. Is Jess Franco’s 1971 horrotica classic a must see? Yes, but only so you can bring it up in conversation later.

Let’s get right down to it. The movie is schlock. Late Early 70’s psychedelic sexploitation. When the Lesbian Vampires are on screen you don’t even give a damn what else is going on. It’s almost like one of those porn movies with plot. You really just want to fast forward to the Lesbo Vampires.

The good news is you really don’t need to know what’s going on. The movie is simply a remake of Dracula. But with chicks. It follows the same plot of Jonathan Harker headed up to Castle Dracula on business. But instead we have Linda Westinghouse a lawyer with the firmer of Simpson and Sons, it seems a countess in Istanbul has inherited the Estate of Count Dracula. Linda finds the Countess sunbathing on her private island. They quickly turn this first meeting into a skinny dipping romp, followed by nude sunbathing. As the Countess declares, it’s just more fun when you are not alone. The countess prefers female companions because of her hatred towards men. 200 years ago, soldiers raped and pillaged her village and she could do nothing to stop them. Then they came to her castle and raped her. She was ultimately saved By Count Dracula, who enjoyed her company and turned her. Watch her explain how she became a vampire in the YouTube video below.

Every scene with the Countess seducing one of her prey is captivating and titillating to say the least. The movie is full of girl on girl action. We get plenty of it, in dream sequences, flashbacks, and live on a nightclub stage.

But then the movie realizes it has to deal with stupid things like story and plot and supporting characters. The coolest of which is “Morpho”, the Countess’ henchman in an Italian suit. I think they call him Morpho cause he sometimes looks like Stallone in Rhinestone, and other times like Bob Dylan. We soon learn that Linda is special to the Countess and she wants to induct her into circle of vampire lesbians. But Linda has a pesky boyfriend who’s running all over town looking for her. He goes to see a Doctor at the loony bin who specializes in these types of cases. We’re never really sure if he’s trying top cure lesbianism or hunt Vampires. Then there’s also a sadistic hotel janitor who lost his wife to the Countess, and now hates all women.

Even though this movie dips into the dull side near the end. It’s still entertaining enough to merit a viewing. If you’re the type to partake in mood altering drugs, then this film is a good match with it’s psychedelic colors, and it’s obsession with its quick cuts to scorpions, flashing lights, and dripping blood. in It’s got some sexy chicks. A cool henchman, and some fantastic music that Tarantino would reuse in Jackie Brown. Check it out. I give it two sexy vampire fangs.

Horror Movie a Day: Let The Right One In

Today’s entry is Let the Right One In, is a tender coming of age story about a boy and his 200 year old Vampire crush. While the Swedish novel it’s based on focuses as much on real world monsters like pedophiles and murderers, the movie sticks to the core of the story, the budding friendship between Oskar and Eli.

Oskar is a bullied child who’s darkest revenge fantasies are as disturbing as the actions of any Vampire. He wants to cut up his tormentors and make them squeal like a pig. Because of recent events, tormented children where tormented children are now seen as villains, when we first meet Oskar he’s not a very likeable character. Despicable even. We soon learn that his mother is vary caring and his father also dotes on him as father does a son. But they are separated and Oskar seems to have fallen through the cracks because of his father’s alcoholism and his splitting her time between working late and her new boyfriend. No one seems to mind the bruises he comes home with.

His new neighbor Eli notices though. Eli is a strange sort of child who regularly joins Oskar on the plain ground in the late afternoon once the sun has set. Eli lives with a caretaker Håkan, which one immediately assumes is a father or uncle. We soon learn though, that Eli is the master in the relationship. Eli’s a 200 year old child vampire, and Håkan is a manservant. A rash of murders in the nearby village is Håkan’s handiwork. He’s collecting blood for Eli, who although is a strong for child of that apparent age, Eli would have some difficulty feeding on a full grown man.

Oskar and Eli develop a special kind of bond. He teachers Eli Morse code and they begin to communicate though their bedroom walls. Håkan grows jealous of the situation and we begin to see him for who he really is. There’s a scene in Highlander where the immortal Connor MacLeod rescues a World War 2 orphan, whom later turns out to be his secretary Rachel in modern day New York.. You get the feeling their relationship went through a phases were MacLeod was at first her father, then her Lover and now Rachel is his mother figure. You get the same feeling with Håkan, who is willing to do anything for Eli, and that they were also childhood friends, and now he has assumed the fatherly caretaker role. When he asks Eli to stay away from Oskar you feel both at once jealousy and fear at Oskar being trapped in the same role he is, and for a moment your sucked away from the fantasy, and into the harsh reality of this evil Vampire child. Many times the film brings you back to that same feeling, when Eli feeds or gets a blood lust, or when Eli callously talks about victims or tries to equate blood lust to Oskar’s desire for revenge. You wake up and shake your head at the cute little child vampire, point and shout EVIL!

But your always sucked back in to the love story. This isn’t a timeless teen lust we see in Twilight. This isn’t Claudia and Louis from Interview with a Vampire after the honeymoon has ended. It always feels innocent and not sexual. But let’s face it Eli’s a Vampire so it always feels seductive. I wouldn’t say this is the “My Girl” of Vampire films but it’s close. Maybe a dark version of Fox and The Hound? ;)

Oskar is drawn to the vampire. He doesn’t care what Eli is. He doesn’t care that Eli is not a girl, he doesn’t care that Eli is a 200 year old vampire, such is his attraction. And it may be more than just simple attraction. We’re right there with him as he’s trying to befriend Eli and Eli seems uninterested. When he offers candy and Eli refuses, his heart seems wounded. Eli sees this and despite knowing better eats the candy and begins to feel ill. It begins to feel like young love, and what we’re willing to do for it. We feel Oskar’s nervousness as he tries to get a peek of Eli undressing. We feel his contempt when Eli’s fucked up and revealed the vampire within. We can see the pain Oskar feels as he watches Eli attempt to enter his home without an invite and Eli begins to decompose and deteriorate. For what other reason do we cause pain to others and let others cause us this pain, if isn’t love.

I don’t really want to spoil anything more. This is great film about childhood innocence and young love you’re hooked immediately soon after they meet. The final scenes when the bullies finally get their comeuppance is frightening not just in a supernatural way but also the real-life fear Oskar feels as the victim of bullying.

The DVD Box has several quotes on it, the one that stands out from the Washington Excelsior reads. “Best. Vampire Movie. Ever”

I wouldn’t go that far. But it is a damn good one. I give it three boxes of Count Chocula.

Watch it now before the American Remake shies away from some of the un-christian like subject matter, and casually turns this one into a Tween Twilight.

Horror Movie A Day : The Hunger

The Hunger stars David Bowie as vampire posing as a Goth punk in New York circa 1983.

This film predates The Lost Boys, Fright Night, Near Dark Anne Rice’s novel The Vampire Lestat by giving us our first look at the modern vampire.

“Check out the opening scene at the Goth Club featuring Bauhaus.”

Prior to this we’ve primarily dealt with elegant and sometimes grotesque looking European gentlemen as our Vampire protagonist. No offense to Saruman The White but I’d rather be killed by Ziggy Stardust.

“David Bowie Vs. Christopher Lee = Great Vampyre Rock Opera”

Vampire Bowie inhabits a rather unique world. He goes clubbing at night He also hangs out in the daylight, though he does cover up somewhat. To sustain his everlasting life, He only needs to feed once a week. When he does feed, he doesn’t use his fangs, it’s never clear if he actually has any, instead he cuts a victim with a blade concealed in an Ankh pendant that he wears around his neck. On Tuesdays and Thursdays he teaches music to a children. Oh and he’s not sleeping very much anymore. Which is when his real troubles begin. He begins to age at a rather exponential rate, but he’s still a vampire so he still needs to feed. He can no longer attack the same victims he once did, so he begins to prey on the weak. He visits a scientist played by Susan Sarandon who’s trying to uncover the mysteries of aging as a way to cure progeria, But the scientist doesn’t believe him and well, David Bowie dies rather quickly..

Then the real movie begins. “Wait? I thought you said this was a David Bowie movie?” I did too. The beginning was all Bowie, and it was pretty clever and interesting to see a Vampire who did NOT feel cursed by immortal life. He wanted to Live damnit! But the real movie revolves around David Bowie’s maker, Miriam played by Catherine Denueve. Now that Bowie’s gone, she is alone. This is not the first time one of her mates has died. While she herself lived for 2000 years, her companions die after a few hundred so she must find constantly find a new companion to face immortality with. And she chooses Susan Sarandon. Which is is no mere coincidence. Not only is she a scientist looking into longevity. But she also looks a lot like Aladdin Sane in most of the movie. Curing Miriam of her HUNGER for David Bowie. See what I did there? Haha.

“Bowie”

“Not David Bowie”

When Bowie dies, so does the movie. It continually has a problem with pacing and there’s virtually little plot. But the movie does hold some surprises. We learn Miriam isn’t just choosing a mere companion when she settles on Sarandon. She’s looking for a lover as well. And one amazing sex scene follows.

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. Full on Lesbian Vampires in 1983. That must have been groundbreaking. It certainly was hot. I recommend this movie on this scene alone.

When Sarandon finally quenches her Hunger, she stumbles out of the bedroom, half naked covered in Blood. That is probably her finest moment on celluloid to date. We also learn that while his body has decayed into a decrepit form and he has been entombed, Bowie as well as other lovers of Catherine Denueve aren’t exactly dead. The climax of the film has them rise from their graves, and yes we get Vampire Zombies. Gotta love Zombies. We can never stray too far from them.

This film is based on a book by Whitley Strieber, which I’m now dying to check out. In his non fiction book Communion he discovers that his early horror work was just an outlet for the real horror in his life, alien abductions. And many scenes from his book echo the abductions he learned about later through hypnosis. In our movie we learn that Miriam isn’t like the Vampires we know from fairy tales, she probably doesn’t have fangs. Her blood is mentioned as being alien when it attacks Sarandon’s blood, never mixing but acting as a sort of antibody continually repairing keeping her alive. And while sunlight doesn’t damage her in anyways, There is some sensitivity possibly for her not being from this world. And the words Vampire are never mentioned.

The film though is a bit shallow, focuses more on style then substance. It’s almost like the first Highlander movie that way complete with a Rock soundtrack, immortals and quick flashbacks to the past. This is Tony Scott’s first full length film as a director, and it definitely matches his style. All of his films flirt with greatness, you WANT to love them, from Top Gun to the Last Boyscout, to True Romance and Enemy of the State. They are good films that want to be great. Unlike his Brother Ridley Scott, who seems to have peaked in 1982 with Blade Runner Tony is constantly getting better. Man on Fire and Deja Vu are some of the best movies I’ve seen from him. I was completely surprised with both of them. One day we’ll get a masterpiece out of him, unfortunately it’s not in The Hunger.

I liked this film for what it’s brought to vampire mythology and it’s stylish imagery and can recommend it on those merits. So If you’re fan of Cool Looking Vampires, David Bowie, or Lesbians this is one worth checking out.

I give it 2 and a half Ziggy Stardusts.

Horror Movie a Day: Dead and Breakfast

According to the box, today’s selection is the Best independent horror movie of the year. And The U.S. answer to Shaun of the dead. What those statements tell me is that 2004 must have been really shit year for independent horror films. And that if the Question is Shaun of the Dead, Americans certainly don’t know the answer. I took time out for the day to search Ain’t it Cool News's website for the quote comparing it to Shaun of the Dead. The closest I found was QUINT having seen the film the same week as Shaun of the Dead and telling us he wasn’t crazy about it. So I guess there really isn’t much truth in those little blurbs on the front of video boxes.

I was hoping for surprise here. Like when I watched Shaun of the Dead, Dog Soldiers or the Descent or Hatchet from recommendations by Ain’t It Cool news. Those are fantastic horror films, and I wish to god I was reviewing any one of those. Instead I bring you this shitfest. A movie that tried so hard with forced humor that it falls flat on its face. At one point a character slips on some blood for like 3 minutes of screen time, with goofy sound effects. It made sure it had all the goofy clichéd characters. The nerd, the jerk, the bitch, the know-it-all, I’m still not sure if it was on purpose or it was the result of bad writing. The acting is far beyond top notch either. Which is queer cause I’ve seen many of the actors here, like Portia Del Rossi, Bianca Lawson, Jeremy Sisto fare a lot better in other material, but the lame attempt at comedic writing just left every performance feel wooden, including the guest stars. Which included a bizarre turn from Diedrich Bader with a phony French accent. I almost turned the film off when Diedrich catches someone peeing in the bushes. “Don’t let me catch you with your Dick in My Bush again” That’s probably the genius writing that made them compare this to Shaun of the Dead.

We also get treated to a 60 second of screen time cameo from David Carradine. He’s so underused here I’m surprised they even bothered to get him. But his character is the one that sets everything in motion. It was hard watching David Carradine in this film, my first viewing of his work since his death. He played a weird old guy who runs a Bed and Breakfast that the Gang of friends of the film stay in. He also collects Asian artifacts, I scanned his room for a penis shrine. The film gets increasingly hard to watch when our gang of characters discover his lifeless body. Anyways the movie wastes more of our time figuring out the mystery of his death, when finally one of “the Gang” opens up an Asian artifact and unleashes a Zombie invasion on the town.

Of course they encounter a mysterious drifter who can tell them how to save the town and themselves, because he’s a master of all things Zombie related. And he informs them that these aren’t really Zombies, but people whoa re caught somewhere between the dead and the living. Sounds like Zombies to me dude. The film at this point has turned into an Evil Dead knockoff, with one of the bad characters channeling Evil Ash. At one point someone fights a chainsaw and I caught myself saying “Groovy.” and was surprised the character didn’t say it himself. And located In the same closed he found the chainsaw? An Evil Dead poster.

The movie is almost completely over when the zombie killings begin and finally almsot kind of save it. They did have some good old fashioned killing effects. No CGi here. One of the characters then yells, “This is like a bad horror movie.” I just wanted to yell It’s not self parody when your movie sucks, it's just a putdown then.

The film was also narrated by the Hillbilly Hellcats, a hip-hop square dance group, who go from bad jokes to decent sounding music. They eventually get turned into Zombies themselves and still manage to rock a musical number.

The movie always keeps shooting itself in the foot. square dancing zombies was funny. Thriller zombies not so much. Every time they take a stop forward they take two back. With bettwr writers this movie could have been good. It’s easy to make a Zombie flick. To make a funny one is another story.

For the decent gore effects, The musical accompaniment and one characters creative makeshift shotgun, I give the movie, 2 asshats.

Still if this is what passes as Zombie movies these days. Then I think I’m getting a little tired of them. There’s always Vampires to fall back on.

Horror Movie a Day: H2

This summer there’s a new Halloween movie, H2. So Halloween begins early this year, so it’s time once again for my oft failed experiment. A Horror Movie a day for Halloween. Last year I had to only tackle 31 films. And while I didn’t review them all hear I did get close. This year with the help of Netflix instant Queue we are going to tackle some 65 Horror films. I got to warn you they will not all be classics.

We begin this adventure with one GIANT Turkey. Rob Zombie’s Halloween 2. Or H2.  Maybe I’m being harsh, judging by the amount of young children attending the premiere, I might not have been the target audience. Really parent’s is a Rob Zombie Horror film the best parenting choice?  Maybe that's just Flippers Cinema audience for you though. There’s nothing funnier, and sadder I guess for the director, than to have some 7 year old yell out “Man, this some Bullshit!”  When even a kid whose never seen a REAL Halloween film before judges your movie so harshly.

Let me start over. I love Halloween movies. There’s just a simple formula here. A killer with a one track mind, a haunting yet iconic score, a mask, and Donald Pleasance. It’s not that deep. And yet every single masked killer/teen slasher film owes it a debt of gratitude.  Even when these films aren’t good. And face it they rarely are, they are still fun. They usually fail whenever they try to come up with back story for Michael, (Curse of Michael Myers) or try to change the simple formula of the series, (Resurrection). Halloween audiences hate change, they outright reject it. Season of the Witch should’ve been enough warning for the producers.

So knowing all of this Rob Zombie decides to change Halloween and give Michael Myers a back story and motive, and a heart and it became a recipe for disaster. It’s not that Rob Zombie’s Halloween is a BAD movie. It’s just not a good Michael Myers movie, we didn’t need any of that. On it’s own, might have been a beginning of a new franchise for an unrelated character. But because they were force-feeding us this crap as a Michael Myers movie, we rejected it once again.  

But I came into H2 with an open mind. Really I did. I was going take the new mythology as it stood. I was going to trust Rob Zombie’s new vision. He told everyone this new version of Michael Myers had now cut all ties to the original films. There’s nothing holding him back now. So the first 15 Minutes of H2, is basically the entire plot of Halloween 2! Way to stand on your own two feet Rob. Oh no, wait. It’s all a dream. How’s that for originality? In your face American audiences!  This is when the audience first turned on him. A random 6 Year old Yells out “All that for a Dream? Shiiiiit!”

It gets worse from there. We are soon reintroduced to Michael Myer’s mom via flashback Where we learned that Michael didn’t just become the mindless killer right away. He was a normal kid sitting in the crazy house. So I guess, what Loomis turns him into a killer? Since he was responsible for his day to day care. But that’s not the end of his mom though, she’s with us throughout the whole movie. Standing next to a pale white horse looking like the chick from Legend, inside Michaels demented mind.

    “Michael Myers and His Mom” 

 

             “Chick from Legend”

 

So now we learn Michael has mommy issues like Jason and is killing for her to reunite the family. The only way to do so is to kill Laurie. I think? Because he had a chance to do it at the end of the film but didn’t.  Did I mention this movie makes no sense? He goes on a rampage killing random people who have no connection to Laurie in any way.  I’m guessing the kill count wasn’t high enough yet, so the studio asked for more.Finally he catches up to her. The movie doesn’t make it clear how he does this. He just shows up at her house and kills her friends.

Myers big plan is to carry her off to an abandoned shed and just sit there. While his mom and the horse and little boy Michael Myers act crazy. Eventually Loomis shows up,  he’s been on a book tour and doing the talk show circuit with Weird Al,  whose 1 minute cameo is the best part of the movie. And so he feels guilty for cashing in on the murders and decides to talk to Michael to save Laurie. Inside the shed we learn that the White Horse and Little Michael, and Michael’s mom are inside Laurie’s head as well.

The ending of this movie is just so hackneyed, it’s been done better in Halloween 4 and also Friday the 13th Part 4. Rob Zombie standing on his own two feet got the jump on them by doing it in only his second Halloween film. The audience walked away still laughing at the penultimate scene in which tiny Laurie Strode walks out of the shed wearing Michael’s oversized mask.

This movie sucks, and I don’t recommend it to diehard fans at all. Still its not the worst thing I’ve seen and it had a pair of boobies in it.

So I give it one and a half broken iPhones.

 

Save your money and watch the original Halloween 2 instead.

The Phaaan-tom of the opera is there, inside my mind!

 

Okay so it turns out I love.
love....
love this music. (yeah I'm not gay, I just like showtunes)

But I hate...
hate.
hate this movie.

Before we start have you guys heard? Probably, because I know everyone's heard. In case you haven't heard the word. Click this link.

Phantom of the Opera starts off several years after the events in the book original film. The movie is told via flashback. The flashback themselves have transitions to the past that rival the best in any of the Highlander series.  it pretty much follows the plot of the original film, except in song. This Phantom however is a musical genius, he knows everything behind the theater/opera business. He's a great composer, singer, makeup artist, stuntman, effects coordinator, costume artist and theatre manager, I've a feeling he also might be stellar at running the concession stand if given have a chance. He finds a young ingénue by the name Christine Daee who has been gifted the gift of song. He nurtures her talent and one day plans to make her a star.

Unlike the previous film, our musical Christine Daee is much more innocent. She likes the idea of being the star someday, but she isn't manipulating anyone to get there. She is also in love with the Phantom. The only one who actually has a problem with the Phantom's deformity is the Phantom himself. He owes a lot more to the character of Two-Face than the character Lon Chaney played in the 1925 silent picture. His scarred face is easily obscured, but his tortured soul cannot be hidden by a mask. The third lead, the count is a swashbuckling young man, as skilled in horse riding and fencing as he is in singing.  In the end we don't buy Christine's love for the Count de Chagny, he's just a summer love she had many years ago. The Phantom has helped her blossom into womanhood, and has shown her true passion. The only reason I think they don't end up together in the end is because he's a murderer and he's being hunted down by angry villagers with pitchforks and torches.  Aside from that he's a nice guy, who just need a hug. Once Christine gives him what he needed, he sees the error of his way and lets the heroic duo go.

Why do I hate this film? it's not cause it's directed by Joel Schumacher. I've made my peace with that man. For years I've refused to watch anything with his name attached, ever since he made the worst film ever made: Batman and Robin. It's amazing how one film can tarnish an entire career. How the man who made classics like D.C. Cab, The Lost Boys, Flatliners and Falling Down can be burned at the stake as a heretic for "gaying" up Batman.  He made a great picture called Phone Booth in 2002 and helped made Colin Farrell a star. But it wasn't until the Special Edition DVD releases of the original 4 Batman films that I forgave him. The motherfucker apologized in not so many words for Batman and Robin. He said something along the line of, "The studio was pressuring us to make a giant toy commercial. we are all grown people, we knew what we were getting ourselves into though, in retrospect we should have known better" That was the day I called the Fatwa off of Joel Schumacher that I've had on him since 1997. Seriously, on my old website, The Sci-Fi Buzz and Traveling Circus I posted a wanted poster Dead or Alive for Joel Schumacher for crimes against humanity. I know it's just a movie, but man did it suck.

He did a perfectly good directing job, he turned a static stageplay into a beautiful looking flowing motion picture. most people tend to just do a one camera angle shoot for Musicals brought to film and they turn out dull and horrible. He padded this film with events right out of the original film and book. There was even a great swordfight in a cemetery that just made you believe this was happening in the real world and not on stage.  This was very much like a Disney Animated musical, only boring.

Yes boring. Thanks to the leads and the slow pacing. We definitely needed an intermission here. A pause to let us reflect and brace ourselves for yet another song. it seems like quiet a few extra songs were added. I mean I know it's a musical about making an opera, but did the operas have to have their own full fledged numbers too?

Gerard Butler was a bit stiff and his singing rough. it seemed like he was doing a bad Antonio Banderas  impression, which is coincidental, because he really wanted to do this part and the studio turned him down. Here he is in a duet with the originator of the Christine Daee role on Broadway, Sarah Brightman.

 

I also don't think Emmy Rossum was worth all the fuss. Certainly not worth killing for. I did like Minnie Driver as the operatic Diva Carlotta. she seemed to really have a lot of fun with the role, even though all her singing was dubbed. No one's really cared about Minnie since like Good Will Hunting. It's good to know that she's still working even though like Carlotta, she has to take a backseat to the prettier more talented younger girls. I'm curious how she even got offered the part. It's a musical and she can't sing. It's like someone through her a bone or something. She ends up playing the second or third female lead,  she steals the show away from Emmy Rossum and even Miranda Richardson who was fantastic in Sleepy Hollow but seems to phone this performance in.

In closing, I'd recommend this if you're a fan of the musical only. I wouldn't watch this film again, but It definitely piqued my interests in the Broadway Play. If it's coming back this way I'll definitely be checking it out.

 

     

Lon Chaney in Phantom of the Opera

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Today's entry is part one of  a double feature The Phantom of the Opera (1925) the silent film classic starring The Man of 1000 faces, Lon Chaney, and the 2005 adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical directed by Joel Schumacher on HD-DVD.

Besides the themes that have transcended into pop culture into countless parodies and homages into film, television and comic books, I am not too familiar with either the original novel, the classic silent picture or the musical. I had seen the 1989 slasher version starring Robert Englund, which was more Jack The Ripper than Phantom of the Opera.

The 1925 Silent movie starts at  famous Paris Opera house in the midst of a production of Faust. Ironically, the main female character of Christine Daae makes her own pact with the devil. A devil known as the opera ghost or The Phantom. Little is known about the Phantom except he is in love with Christine, a love that drives him to commit all sorts of atrocities in Christine's name. At first wicked woman that she is, she doesn't seem to mind that her suitor drops a chandelier on the star of the show, thus catapulting her into the spotlight. She even rejects her fiancee from the fame the Phantom promises to lay at her feet. it isn't until she  find out he is just as monstrous on the outside as he is on the inside that she rejects the Phantom. At that point she goes crawling back to the fiance she rejected begging for help. And of course he's a handsome wealthy aristocrat. If she can't have fame, she'll take the next best thing, money.  Women are evil.

The disc I watched was the out of print 2004 Delta DVD release. At first it looks promising. You open it an it includes a high quality reproduction of the original poster.

Most big studios barely include an insert in their DVD's. Much less a cool ass poster!

But its all down here from there. While most of the picture upscales rather nicely to my 50 Inch screen, the transfer was horrible. It seemed to come from a video cassette with major tracking problems. The soundtrack really didn't seem to fit the film, except in a few places. And there was a laughtrack that sometimes popped in in inappropriate times. At the beginning of the film there was an announcement made that let us all know this film was made during the silent era and some trivia about the location, which apparently is still standing today. The print also switched from a black and white version to a  tinted version during the Masquerade scene. I don't believe that was intentional.

If you've never seen it, it's worth a view, if only to admire the work that Lon Chaney put into the makeup at great deal of pain to himself, to dilate his eyes and stretch and contort his face. The man was very dedicated to his craft. But if you do, seek out the much better Milestone Collection print which I have linked above. It includes several versions of the film and alternate endings.

For Tomorrow the 2005 Adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Hit musical.

Ichabod, Ichabod, Ichabod Crane...

Man, it's just barely day three and I've missed the movie for day three and the review for day two. Luckily I watched two movies on Day 2 so that it evens out.

I watched Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, which was originally released as one of Disney's packaged films in 1949 The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad. And Immediately after I Saw Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow on HD-DVD.

Part of the reason this review is late is that I wanted to read the original short story written by Washington Irving and compare it to the feature films. Along with his other classic Rip Van Winkle, Legend of Sleepy Hollow is one of our only few American fairy tales.

  

Growing up I must have watched the Disney Classic at least once every single Halloween. The early Disney animation was polished enough to hold up today's standard. The songs sung By Bing Crosby are quaint but still catchy and mellow. Like the short story, the Disney has a lot of buildup before it gets to what we've all been waiting to see. The Headless Horseman.

What all this buildup led into was one of the most harrowing, intense chases in films. At least when I was 5. Poor blundering Ichabod was barely 1 step ahead of death by the Headless Horseman. Now as an adult I see it for the comical adventure that it is. But for years the ending featuring a flying flaming jack-o-lantern was a frightening site. Disney ran a yearly Halloween special show you only Ichabod's Last ride, which never showed the happy endings and left Ichabod for dead.  If Disney had made an action figure of the Headless Horseman, I would've clamored for it. Cause he was bad ass.

Whether or not, Ichabod is dead at the end of the cartoon, mourn him not. For he is probably one of Disney's least likeable leading men. He is odd, ugly, lanky, nerdy superstitious and intrusive. But worst of all he is a glutton and a gold digger. He cared not for Katrina van Tassel, just for the fortune her rich farmer father would leave to her, that would pass to him by marriage. All he cared about was that wonderful green  green cabbage that we call cash.

Maybe in the 40's he was just a flawed humorous caricature of a man. But in today's world we call him a bastard. Go to hell Ichabod, Ichabod, Ichabod Crane. The real tragedy of this movie where the Dutch schoolchildren, as the short story elaborates without a schoolmaster to teach, the schoolhouse closed down.

Thanks to the glory of youtube you can watch the film here in four parts.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

 

Exactly 50 years later in 1999 came Sleepy Hollow, Tim Burton's first horror movie. And quite possibly his most accessible film and one of the most profitable. Because of the success of this film, the studios let him make that mess we call Planet of the Apes. Tim Burton is no longer a fringe director by any means. He's garnered enough respect and a fan following to make most of his films profitable. The accusations hurled at him by studio big wigs are that he doesn't make them profitable enough, because of his weirdness. Batman Returns should have been one of the most successful sequels ever, and it was at the time. But It needed to be BIGGER. It should  have been bigger. But it featured a weird looking Danny Devito in disgusting fat suit, eating raw fish. How many times are you really gonna want to watch that?

Planet of the Apes made 400 million worldwide. That is by no means a flop. But the studio felt Burton killed the possibility of the franchise and any more films are a financial risk.

So whenever the studios take a big money risk on Tim Burton they like to keep him on a leash. when I first heard of Johnny Depp as Ichabod Crane, I thought my god, what obvious yet inspired casting. Yet the studios forced him to audition even though he was Burton's first choice. A different film it might have been indeed if Brad Pitt whom the studio was clamoring for, had accepted the role.

Many people who cared criticized this film from straying so far from the source material. They turned Sleepy Hollow from a fairy tale prank into a bloody, horror murder-mystery full of the fantastique. But the truth is after reading the short story, is is definitely grounded in that era and the mythology of Washington Irving's words. It owes just as much to the Disney version as well. Not only paying it a great homage when Caper van Diem's Brom Bones chases down Johnny Depp as a faux headless horseman. It's an almost shot for shot remake, It almost feels as they used the original Disney film as a storyboard for that sequence. Later on when Ichabod is being chased by the real headless horseman some of the same gags from the Disney film are used. Like when accidentally Ichabod finds himself on the Horsemans' steed. it's just as funny as it was 50 years earlier in 1949.

This time around the characters have more than simple naivete and superstitions fueling their fears of the horseman. They are involved in a major conspiracy and scandal that leads to murder most foul. Ichabod the founder of CSI: New York comes to Sleepy Hollow to use his forensic skills to detect the identity of the murderer. What we get is a tale about faith vs. superstition and Science Vs. the Supernatural.

And audiences ate that shit up. it made 200 million worldwide, and at the time I considered it to be Tim Burton's finest picture. But that was 1999.  It's is now 2008.

What do I think of it now? The movie is still fresh, and I had forgotten most of the plot to enjoy it once again with enough suspense as I did the first two times I saw it. While I still think its great picture, I know longer consider it his masterpiece. I enjoy Beetlejuice, Batman, and Pee-Wee's Big Adventure far too much to bestow that honor on this film.

But I recommend this not only for first time viewers, but a repeated viewing if its been awhile since you last saw it. This is a great film.

A word about the Sleep Hollow HD-DVD

 

The sound is great but this is merely a port of the DVD that came out in 2000. With great sound. The picture is beyond awful for HD. This is the first HD-DVD film I've been utterly disappointed in. I think they Just blew up the 2000 DVD and the result is a hot grainy mess.

 

BONUS VIDEO: The Headless Horseman 1934

Check out this animated short directed by Ub Iwerks during his sabbatical from Disney. He would later return to and serve as Chief Animator for Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It's cool to watch the parallels in animation between both versions. Particularly Ichabod and the movements of the horses.  

Check it out, it's 8 minutes with no dialogue but still manages to convey the heated love triangle, and comedy of the original short story.  Also of note is the racist depiction of the Negro servants, which are portrayed exactly as described by Washington Irving.

And it's got a great twist ending. Check it out  below.

Alas Poor Yorick, I knew him Horatio.... (plus a Corpse Bride Review)

         

I got my Iron Man Blu-ray Disc yesterday. I haven't checked out the Movie or Special Features yet, but the packaging is wicked.

 

Yesterday marked the first day of October. I decided to undertake an ambitious project for me. 31 Movies in 31 days.

31 Horror movies that is. And hopefully 31 reviews.

Yesterdays film was THE CORPSE BRIDE.

It's a beautiful looking picture especially on the Blu-Ray disc I saw it on. The sound was also nothing short of fantastic. Too bad the film had left as cold as the titular character. I had wanted to see this when it first came out. But made plans with a friend that never materialized. The plan and the friend seemed to vanish into thin air.

Even though I owned a copy of the film on DVD and I got the Blu-Ray for free last year with my Playstation 3, I still didn't feel right watching it.

Fuck It. I put on Tim Burton's follow up to Nightmare Before Christmas. And he turned it up to 11. The animation was smoother, the set design amazing. The voice acting talent, was also at a Whole Notha Level, with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter as the leads and not too mention Christopher Lee, Tracey Ullman and Albert Finney as part of the supporting voice cast. The humor and the frights found in the film also do not disappoint.

So why didn't I like this film? Nightmare before Christmas is Wonderful and joyous. I watch it every year and usually pay if it's in 3-D on the Big Screen. It's like if 5 year old Tim Burton's mind exploded on the big screen and that's what we got. Add Danny Elfman's score and catchy music, and lovable characters and you've got a masterpiece.

But Corpse Bride is missing all of this. Aside from the Corpse bride herself, the other characters aren't that interestingly designed. Compared to the citizens of Halloweentown in Nightmare the denizens of the Underworld in Corpse Bride are tame. The music and the songs just seemed phoned in, It feels like Danny Elfman didn't want to sound like Danny Elfman.  Finally it seems also that Tim Burton who put out the wonderful Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that year was way too busy to spend time on Corpse Bride.

He should have hired, who I know believe was the missing quotient, Henry Selick to oversee it all. While Nightmare Before Christmas was developed from an idea by Tim Burton and every frame of the film is stamped with his style, he didn't have the time to make the film because of contractual obligations to make the lunacy that Became Batman Returns. While it's not one of Burton's most remembered films you can tell by watching it that the same man was behind Batman Returns and Nightmare.  Henry Selick was able to make Burton's vision come to fruition. While I love Nightmare to death it isn't a perfect film and it drags a bit near the third act. I always wondered what it would have been like if Tim Burton had directed it. If it's anything like Corpse Bride I might have been disappointed. Henry Selick would go on to make his perfect stop motion animation film in James and the Giant Peach. While it's not as fondly remembered or as entrenched in the subculture, It is in a word, wonderful. And it came from the mind of the one guy who's weirder and wackier than Burton, Roald Dahl.

As for Corpse Bride, it might have been a great live action film in the vein of Beetlejuice or Sleepy Hollow or even comparable to Sweeney Todd. But as an animated musical it fails on every level to charm.I recommend if you like Tim Burton films or animation. But other than that just go ahead and skip it. Watch Nightmare Before Christmas or James and the Giant Peach instead.

 

P.S. If you're interested in following along. Tonight is a double feature. Tim Burton's Sleepy Hollow and Walt Disney's Legend Of Sleepy Hollow.