Horror Movie A Day: Martin

(I missed a review yesterday, but not a movie. Expect a catch-up review shortly.)

Today’s movie is a very modern Vampire tale from George Romero director of Night of the Living dead and it’s many sequels. Martin is an 84 year old Vampire. The sunlight only slightly bothers his eyes, he doesn’t have any fangs, or at least he doesn’t use them, and he doesn’t have any super strength or any vampire powers whatsoever. He uses drug filled needles to subdue his victims. But he does drink blood. He gets the shakes if he doesn’t. He stalks his prey like any vicious predator, he takes him time to make sure he doesn’t screw anything up.  He can’t afford to screw up, if he doesn’t get his blood he gets the shakes. His mind is bombarded with Vampire flashbacks, from his early days as a Vampire. Or so we think at first. As the movie progresses we realize that maybe Martin isn’t who he thinks he is.  And that his flashbacks aren’t memories, but visions that his deluded mine has created, visions that resemble and parody old monster movies. 

Maybe Martin is insane, and his belief that he is a vampire and that he needs the blood to live, has turned him into a serial killer, a real life monster. But if he is crazy he’s not the only one. Martin lives with his elderly cousin, an old world European type, who wholeheartedly believes Martin is Nosferatu.  And that the family curse is his burden to bear. He must be Martin’s caretaker. But he will not tolerate his nocturnal activities in their small hometown. Martin works a part-time job at his cousin’s store delivering groceries. He strikes up a  friendship with a desperate housewife, that turns sexual. She enjoys the company since her husbands been neglecting her, It’s a new experience for Martin as he has never been close with a woman before with out all the bloodletting. 

This is a low-budget film and it looks it. Its shot with 1 camera with many friends and family of the crew starring in the picture. I’m not going to lie and say it looks expensive, but it just goes to show you don’t need a $100 million dollar budget to make a shocking and thought provoking film. Hell Romero probably shot this under a 100k. The opening sequence of the film is a tense, Martin stalks a lady aboard a train. He gets into her private room and tussles with her for what goes on forever. Martin can barely overpower, and you feel bad for the lady but you also don’t want him to get caught.  You also wonder with the quality of the rest of the film, if Romero and his crew were also in danger of getting caught. I don’t think they had permission to soot a murder scene on the train.

This is a hell of a film and You’ll feel like Freud analyzing not just Martin and his family, but everyone in the film has issues that could be worked out with an weekly session at the shrink. You also start to wonder why you root for Martin, being that he is a murderer. You suspect it’s because he was driven to that by his crazy ass family. Martin’s closest modern day counterpart is Showtime’s Dexter. And just like with Dexter you start to believe this serial killer is the sanest person in the film. Then you get to the very shocking end, which validates this thought. 

It’s an amazing film and Romero proves he can do something other than Zombies. This is just a good a film as Dawn of the Dead, if not better. Because days later you'll still be thinking about Martin. I recommend it to all in search of a realistic portrayal of Vampires and George Romero fans.

I give it 3 Vamp energy drinks.

Horror Movie A Day: Bram Stroker’s Dracula

 

Today’s movie is a live action cartoon directed by Francis Ford Coppola, supposedly based on the original novel by Bram Stroker. The hype machine following this movie was successful enough that It made rock stars out of Gary Oldman, Dracula, and Bram Stoker. People believed in the power of this movie, simply because of the attached byline that read “Bram Stroker’s” As if that in itself was supposed to mean something.  As if he personally endorsed this version.  The man had been dead exactly 80 years at this point and post young Americans who flocked to this movie had never even heard of him. Even the real Dracula Vlad the Impaler must have got himself a publicist, because there was a great deal of attention focused on him as well. He even got his own comic book.

I have to confess, that I waited 17 years to see this movie. I hate overhype. It sort of ruins the movie for me. The whole experience is tainted. This is why I avoid trailers and reviews and I try to see a film on opening weekend. So that friends and associates don’t spoil me not just with plot details, but there emotions after watching it.  There’s nothing worse than being told a movie is fan-fucking-tastic and in the end  all you’ve got is “Underworld”.  But is 17 years long enough?  I’ve had the bluray in my possession 2 years and still have been unable to watch it, Finally i forced myself to watch it. And I said to myself this, This cartoon is what lives on in the memory of people as the best Dracula ever made? because it was “realistic” and not Bela Lugosi hamming it up? You got to be fucking kidding me. Bram Stroker’s Dracula? Hell this isn’t even what one would imagine Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula would be. No this is Tim Burton’s Dracula. If he took it way too seriously. Imagine the disasters Sleepy Hollow and Sweeney Todd would be if Johnny Depp and Burton did not play it with the usual tongue in cheek style.

By now you think I hate this film and this is a negative review. And it might have been the case. But then something happened. Circumstances arose and I was unable to finish the movie in one sitting. By now we had entered the part where Gary Oldman’s Dracula had found Winona Ryder’s Mia and their chemistry just exploded onto the screen. Like Mia  i too was desperate to get back to Dracula. It’s an enjoyable film with many many flaws. Least of all the horrible acting by Keanu Reeves. In the film he has an atrocious English accent, that made its way from Southern California. He travels to Transylvania to sell Dracula some property. We discover that his fiancé Mina Murray is the spitting image of Dracula’s long dead wife, Elizabeta. Dracula keeps Keanu from returning to London and leaves him trapped at the castle at the mercy of his Vampire Brides. Completely drained of blood and spirit Keanu escapes and soon begins the most interesting of all subplots of the film, The Saga of Jonathan Harker’s hair. After he escapes Keanu’s hair turns grey, but at many points on the film, it becomes snow white, and back to his original hair color then back to grey again.

The film also features Sir Anthony Hopkins an almost lunatic with no scruples, Van Helsing. Its interesting how similar in tone and design Hopkins Van Helsing is to Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing. They are both rugged handsome versions of the character, They both sport long hair, duster coats and similar hats. They are alike right down to the ascot. Though they are both playing the same character, they can certainly pass for father and son.

The movie follows the same plot of almost any version of Dracula, except for the love story. It only begins to differ at the end when they track Dracula back to Transylvania in an attempt to destroy him and save Mina (now) Harker.  The climax of the story involves Neo, Hannibal Lecter, The Dread Pirate Roberts and the Rocketeer chasing down Dracula to his very doorstep, in an almost wild west western picture of the 1930’s.

I recommend it if you’ve never seen it. The cast and crew must have been outright bonkers when making it and turned out one gonzo movie. You swear Oldman is fucking insane half way through this and plays Dracula, not only as a creepy old count but as a sympathetic young prince too. You never know whether you should fear him or feel sorry for him.  It’s not quite Bram Stroker’s Dracula. The closest is still the original for me. Except for its contemporary (at the time) style. But it’s still a good film you’ll probably watch more than a few times. It’s sexy, scary and one hell of an adventure. Strong performances from Hopkins, and Oldman and surprisingly Winona Ryder will keep parts of this film timeless. After all it’s the only film in recent history with a werewolf rape scene.

I give it two and half Vlad’s.

Horror Movie A Day: 30 Days of Night

 

Today’s film is 30 Days of Night, The film pitch that became a comic that became a movie. Its a great modern vampire horror story with a twist. In all myth and legend Vampire are severely affected by Sunlight. Either they are severely weakened or destroyed when Dawn breaks. But what if there is no sunlight? In 30 Days of Night, renegade vamps tired of hiding in the shadows and feeding on whatever comes their way, decide to lay siege to a Northern Alaskan town where there is no Sun for you guessed it, 30 days.  The film plays out between your usually human squabbles, the towns sheriff is going through a bad breakup with the towns fire marshal. He doesn’t seem to get along with his little brother and everyone else is wondering why the fire marshal is leaving the sheriff. The Vampires don’t give a crap about any of this, and neither do we, the human are just cattle for them to feed on and for us to watch fall one by one with no emotional attachment to them.  The town’s initial destruction is great fun, But then the movie settles into your typical Zombie film, when they are all laid up in an attic, like the people in The Diary of Anne Frank, the film then collapses. There’s no real plot anymore beyond survival. Everyone’s get sick of the old guy’s whining and the macho men keep butting heads. The real danger isn't the vampire horde waiting for them outside but the stupidity of men inside. Even under life threatening situations we can’t get along. Where we should be as one, their tiny community starts to break down, and the survivors start to drop like flies. It’s been done many times before, so these situations they find themselves in are just asinine. You start to wonder if the people in these types of horror movies have EVER seen a horror movie. Because their fate is always the same.

The movie not only has its share of fright, but fast paced action too, with chase scenes full of destruction and mayhem. it’s beautifully shot in a remote Alaskan location most of us will never have the chance of seeing.  I liked movies that bring you something new, even in this day and age.  The movie works on many levels but it also fails on a few too. Mainly we don’t give a rat’s ass about any of the characters.  The leads are just too damn pretty to sympathize for. Josh Hartnett who usually delivers okay performances, just seems weak as the heartbroken sheriff. So your wife is leaving you, boohoo your Josh Hartnet, there's plenty of hot Eskimo babes to console you, I assure you of that my friend. And the fire marshal leaving him? Oh so you're tired of him being  withdrawn and not feeling a real connection. He’s a damned small town sheriff in Alaska. He went there to get away from people, cut him some slack. He probably is incapable of connecting to other humans. The rest of the supporting cast offers no comfort. They are interchangeable with every horror movie cast ever made. The most interesting characters are the Vampires, and they don’t even speak English. They just Grunt, shriek and speak in some ancient language. But they at least show a full range of emotions, from disgust and contempt to sorrow and vengeance.

I definitely recommend this movie. The vampires aren’t pretty, they are grotesque, immoral and they kill with impunity. There’s plenty of action and gore. The film brings us fresh ideas into Vampire movies, such as the town with no daylight, and the ending where one character willingly changes into  Vampire to put an end to the madness. There’s even a great scene with a child vampire feeding on corpses. Any Vampire and action fans will like this movie despite its flaws. The film also look fantastic in BluRay Hi-Def the colors are vibrant and pop out at you. Especially the red blood against the white snow.  

I give it Two and a Half Trade paperbacks.

Horror Movie A Day: Blacula

 

Today’s film is Blacula! The Black Avenger! According to the Trailer, Blacula is Dracula’s soul brother! Deadlier and More terrifying than Dracula!

 

William Marshall, The King of Cartoons, plays Prince Mamawalde of the Ibani tribe, an uppity negro who comes to Transylvania, spouting demands at Count Dracula. Talkin’ bout it’s time to abolish slavery, Count Drac, ya dig?  The Count outraged at the Prince’s defiance in the presence of white company, starts macking on the Prince’s wife right in front of him. The Prince was like, Have You lost your damned mind Drac? i ain’t gonna stand for this shit.  So Dracula takes a bite out of the Prince, seals him in a coffin never able to satisfy his bloodlust. He curses him with his name, and he shall forever be known As Blacula!

The movie picks up at least 100 years later in the swinging 70’s. Two gay antique dealers have just swooped in on a deal to buy Count Dracula's summer home. They find Blacula’s coffin and are excited about its kitschy value, they decide to crack it open. Blacula attacks them and in the process converts them into Vampires. Scientific Investigator Dr. Gordon Thomas, the films Black Van Helsing, starts investigating the strange murders happening around town. Because the victims are predominantly black he accuses the police of mishandling the investigation and overlooking the telltale signs of a vampire attack. The police try to blame the whole thing on gang activity and the Black Panthers. Eventually Blacula is drawn to young Tina, the spitting image or reincarnation of his African bride and also happens to be Dr. Thomas’ sister in law. Even though The good doctor has all sorts of PhD's and is a forensic super cop, what finally tips him off to the true identity of Blacula, is that nifty vampire cape Blacula’s wearing.  Armed with this knowledge Dr. Thomas must stop Blacula’s reign of terror and save young Tina.

This film is fantastic. It won the very first Saturn Award for best Horror film back in 1972.  Rated PG, It’s not that scary anymore, but it still has a decent plot, some creepy vampires, and great use of low budget special effects. It also has some top notch acting by the classically trained William Marshall, giving it his all in this absurd exploitation piece. The juxtaposition between William Marshall and characters such as Skillet the neighborhood playa is just bizarre

 

“Are we ready for our next Cartoon?”

The movie is far from perfect. The writing is full of cheap pops to get a rise out of the mostly black audiences. The trailer describes Blacula as the Black avenger, beating up on white cops. Maybe Blacula isn't such a bad guy after all, his only victims? Two gay guys and an annoying cab driver. He himself is the victim here, first by Dracula, and then by the police. After all they’re trying to kill him, and keep him away from his beloved Tina. One of the funniest things in the movie is that this 200 year old vampire prince from a remote African tribe, played by a  classically trained actor William Marshall, having to run away in fear from police sirens. Even Blacula has to run from the po-po.

I have to recommend this movie wholeheartedly to fans of Pee Wee’s Playhouse, Vampires, and Blaxploitation cinema. It's full of adventure and cheap pops. not to mention unintentional humor from the 1970’s era. Plus it also has a few firsts a Vampire of color and its the predecessor to modern Vampire films. While Blacula is an ancient, he’s still going around town, hitting the clubs and knocking boots with sexy chicks. Blacula, his Bite is Outta Sight.

I give it THREE nifty Vampire capes.

Horror Movie A Day: From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

Robert Rodriguez is a huge fan boy. Every time he release a film he promises at least a trilogy full of sequels. Whether we want them or not, We got El Mariachi Trilogy, Spy Kids, From Dusk Till Dawn and even Sin City is in the works.  I’m still waiting for his promised The Faculty sequels. I don’t think he’s short on ideas, there’s plenty of good scripts in Hollywood, he just wants to see all his projects come to fruition. Like any good fan boy eh watches a movie comes out and dreams up what’s next, except he’s in a position to make those “what's next dreams” happen.

I remember being completely excited at the thought of the From Dusk Till Dawn Sequels. Quentin was going to write one and Robert was going to direct it, and Robert was going to write one for Quentin to direct. That never came to pass. Instead we got the first sequel, three years later, direct-to-video, from Director Scott Spiegel, who’s never done anything interesting before or since.  Even though you can tell that Robert Rodriguez storyboarded most of this, the film still felt very static, sadly due to Spiegel simple style. 

The box art seems very promising, the T-1000 Vs. Vampires.  And that big Mexican dude who was in the first one. But sadly he was in it even less than Bruce Campbell. Who had a small cameo with Tiffany Amber Thiesen.  Their three minute cameo takes place at the very beginning. Check it out below.

 

The movie centers around Robert Patrick getting together a crew to rob a Mexican bank full of Gringo drug money. The only time the movie refers to the eponymous Texas Blood Money is in a phone cal. A nice twist would have been the Gringo drug dealers to show up and defend their money alongside the police. But the movie is never that smart, it’s clever title refers only to the blood sucking vampires that attack Robert Patrick's crew. Much like the original film, good guys and bad guys have to get together to ward of the vampires. That's pretty much the only connection to the original, that and a throwaway reference to the Gecko Brothers and a short visit to the Titty Twister bar that was the site of the first film.

The movie isn’t all bad. It’s actually quite fun. I’m of the mindset if a horror movie can't have a decent story or acting, then it should just throw everything else on the wall and see what sticks. It can be bloody and gory but above else it should be fun. This movie plays well, you don’t need to invest a lot to enjoy it. It can easily play in the background if you want to do something else. It has a few good scares and tense moments at the beginning. But when it becomes a heist movie, it stops being scary, and becomes borderline ridiculous, but still enjoyable. It’s taken me ten years to sit down and actually watch this film, partly because it was much maligned by critics, and I didn’t want to ruin the first one by watching a poorly made sequel.  I doubt I’ll be remembering much of this beyond Bruce Campbell’s cameo, but it did have some good ideas behind it that might have been better used in the first film. There was an eclipse that allowed the Vampires to come out in the day, the bat cam, and the very unique bite cam and the brim of the hat cam, not to mention lots of great camera placement, all due to Robert Rodriguez no doubt, and while the dialogue wasn't so interesting it did have some colorful character actors to spout them, which made it bearable. For a boring Sunday afternoon, it sure helped pass the time.

I’ll never watch it again. But I’m not sorry I did. I recommend this to fans of the original, it doesn’t taint it in anyway,

I give it 2 and a half big Mexicans.

Horror Movie A Day: Salem’s Lot

Today’s selection is the 1979 miniseries, Salem’s Lot, based on the novel by Stephen King, starring Hutch from Starsky and Hutch. A lot of people my age and younger are familiar with the 112 minute quick-paced international cut. It was the one shown on cable and released on VHS home video. I only wish I had been watching that version. This version sits pretty at the 3 Hour Mark. Back in 1979 with Commercials it ran for four hours, split into two nights. That probably would have been easier to take. But to watch this in one sitting is a chore. Nothing terrifying starts to happen until the 50 minute mark.  You’re probably saying to yourself, well Stephen King novels tend to be wordy and full of exposition, they need extra time to flesh out the story. If that we’re the case, I’d be right there with you. But it’s not, they never really touch on any of the other themes in the novel, they stick to vampires here and your usual horror movie shenanigans. You got the doomsayer warning everyone and your usual cast of non believer’s making him feel stupid for scene after grueling scene.

The movie begins with two men in South American church. They’re refilling their vials of holy water and believe that they have been discovered. The movie flashes back to 2 years earlier, in the small town of Jerusalem’s Lot. A couple of newcomers have arrived. A pair of antique dealers, Straker and Barlow, that have the town abuzz with the new shop they are getting ready to open, and Ben Mears (played by David Soul aka Hutch) author and former resident of Salem’s Lot. He has returned to write a book about the town’s haunted house that struck a chord with him when he was a child. A house that is currently being leased by Straker and Barlow.

Children begin to disappear and others are having nightmares, and waking up tired and weakened. Many are rushed to the hospital with cases of anemia. It quickly  becomes apparent that the town has a Vampire that is infecting the resident’s who are in turn attacking their own families and friends.  Mears believes he has been drawn back to Salem’s Lot and the house to release the town from it’s evil grip. He is joined by his former schoolteacher, the local town Doctor and a young teen into Famous Monsters and the occult. They quickly discover that Barstow, the silent partner in the antique business, is behind it all and Straker is his henchman.  The film ends exactly where it begins, in a church in South America, with Hutch and the monster geek on the run from Vampires. I think this premise would have made for a great series, Hutch and the Monster Geek Vs. The Vampires.

This movie isn’t all that terrible. When the frights do come, they are still shocking 30 years later. No surprising since the director Tobe Hooper (Poltergeist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) knows quite a thing or two about  supernatural horror flicks. In a scene where Barstow enters a family’s living room, their furniture starts to move about and shake, it's very reminiscent of Poltergeist.

The head villain Kurt Barstow is a little silly as a Nosferatu clone. And his final scene is a bit anticlimactic. But you really wouldn’t expect a human to go head to toe with an ancient vampire. Unless she’s the chosen one.

But they let Straker (played by James Mason) do all the talking for him anyways. And he’s a great creepy old English bastard. A Super powered old English Bastard. He’s the only one that actually puts up a fight in the end. The film also pulls no punches, people who would live in other horror films, don’t make the cut here, They make victims and Vampires out of small children and babies!

If this was your little brother floating out the window, would you let him in?

This creepy scene with the boy floating outside the second floor window, like a possessed Peter Pan, whimsically enticing his brother to let him in will probably stick in my head for a little while. I’m reminded of the scene it inspired in the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie, where Luke Perry's friend is begging to be let inside, and Luke Perry tells him to go home. The friend begs to be let in again cause he’s hungry, and once again Luke Perry denies him and says ”Dude, You're floating! C'mon, man”

Overall this film is worthy of a viewing. For Stephen King and Vampire fans I definitely recommend it. If you can find the shorter version, I recommend it even moreso. As it stands I give it Two and a Half Stakes through the Heart.

Horror Movie a Day: Son Of Dracula

Not to be outdone by his whiny little sister, Dracula’s male offspring decides to get his own movie deal with the 1943 film Son Of Dracula. He’s trying to escape his families dark past, so he decided to immigrate to America, and change his name to Count Alucard. Yes, Alucard is Dracula spelled backwards. We’ve seen it countless of times before, But this movie marks the first time its ever been done. He’s played by the great Lon Chaney, jr. who uses this role to be the only actor to get a full house in classic Universal Monsters. He played the Wolfman, Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, and a mummy.

Sadly though he is completely miscast here. Lon Chaney is just a big dumb American oaf type of guy. He’s got a simple down home charm. To have him play the charming and dark Count Dracula, or one of his offspring, is an insult to the audience.  He’s often referred to as a foreigner by the characters in the film. The only thing foreign about him is the silly ass mustache he wore to make himself look distinguished.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t hate the film. In fact quite the opposite. It’s the best and probably most under appreciated of the Dracula Trilogy. Surely Lugosi’s Dracula is missed here. But this movie isn’t bound to a plot derived from historical or literary world. Dracula just doesn’t bumble into town to seek out new victims. Well actually he does, but its part of a plan hatched between him Katherine Caldwell.  At first the audience is fooled into believing Alucard is the evil mastermind behind everything and is attempting a shortened version of a long con to acquire new property. He’s seduced a rich heiress into marriage and he is now the new Master Of The Dark Oaks plantation. There’s will be a murder, a reading of a will and a few double crosses before it’s all done. Even the count himself is double-crossed, which at that the point the film’s kicking into second gear. It’s no Usual Suspects, But you do get Keyser Soze’d.

Aside from the first usage of Alucard, this flick has the first Bat to Vampire on-screen transformation. Prior to this we’ve always just seen a cheesy bat float around on a string and then the Vampire enters the scene. In fact the film boasts quite a few good special effects, a decent mechanical bat, some nice floating effects and smoke the forms into the shape of a man before transforming into Lon Chaney, Jr.  Impressive even today. Oh and the count’s sole off-screen vampire victim, is a small child. Even though we don’t get to see the attack, we do see the aftermath, something beyond the standard of decency when the first film came out in 1931.  

If you’ve already seen Dracula, and the Dracula’s Daughter, then watch this and you’ll be pleasantly surprise. I recommend to anyone with an afternoon to waste, and all Dracula fans.  I give this film two Count Duckula’s.