Unemployment Diary Day 2: Why Don’t You Get a Job?

Day 2: Why Don’t You get a Job?

I woke up this morning and realized it was the first non vacation weekday in a long time, where I didn’t have to snooze my alarm.  I checked the phone expecting it to read something far into the afternoon. But it was only 10 AM. I cant even do being unemployed “sleeping-in”, right.

This song was running through my head as I awoke.

I was completely satisfied, with just sitting around the house.Until my Last and Security deposits run out and start selling off my comic book and dvd collection, then move to some remote tropical island with my iPad and Windows Home server. But that sonuvabitch Dexter Holland and the Offspring wouldn’t let me be and invaded my subconscious.

Sometime after 10 my boss called. Sorry, my “former” boss called.

“Hey did you send me that resume?”

I hadn’t. I’m not sure if I could continue to work for someone In any capacity who would fuck me over like this.  I told him I had. And he said he would check it immediately.  Then he said I should contact a certain former coworker.  Who was now doing separate business dealings with the company. Or that he could contact him for me.  This former co-worker already had spoken to me about the possibility of hiring me. And said he would get back to me. I’m still waiting for that contact. 

I decided to go ahead and update my resume and send it to him. It really couldn’t hurt. Plus this was something I was going to have to do anyway. I was the supreme master at creative resume padding.

King of the World? Check! Master Hacker? Check! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Check!

When I was done, Obama would be hiring me to handle the budget crisis, or shine his shoes. Win Win!

I got on facebook and a few people had sent me job opportunities. Thanks Jose and Casey. But mostly there were jokes. Not so much at my expense. But it was alright, many of the jokemakers had also been in that similar situation.  But I had responsibilities and did not have “living with my Mom” as a fallback. I need a fucking job. Yesterday.

I went out to pick up Ally. Something I’ve only done on the first day of her school.  She was extremely surprised. I have not explained the situation to her yet, because two weeks ago I explained the concept of homelessness to her. There had been a crazy bum panhandling and annoying people at a local restaurant. And she asked me why he was doing this. I explained he had no home. No job and probably no family to stay with, This was the most horrible thing she ever heard. Her first dose of reality. She was immediately saddened by this and began to cry. “I don’t want to be homeless” she said. I explained to her that her parents would never let her be homeless. That this was the reason I work everyday. That we would make sure she finishes school and then is able to get a good job for herself and be able to buy a house and thus insuring she would never be homeless. This seemed to comfort her, because she smiled and hugged me. That smile is the reason I go to work everyday. But now I’m out of work.

I realized that i would have to start making changes. Already I was living paycheck to paycheck. But most of the jobs out there in the same field paid considerably less. I might be bringing home up to a 1000 dollars less every month.

I decided to humor myself and visit the Goodwill. I didn’t need or want anything. But this is what money conscious people do right? Found a pair of Bratz Skate shoes  in Ally’s size for 4 Bucks. Original retail price 29.99. Score! Yeah I was still buying unnecessary junk. But I was saving money now! And saving the environment. Reduce Reuse Recycle! ;)

I got home and I had a response from the former coworker with a possible job opportunity. It just wasn’t the one i was looking for.

“Can I use you as a reference?”

”Sure.”

Maybe I should have been more direct.

“Nigga, can I get a JOB?”

I swallowed my pride and put in an application for Comcast instead. I fucking HATE comcast. Anyone who knows me, knows of my long and storied battles with them. Which only got worse when I started working for a Wi-Fi company that needed to have direct dealings with them. Many, many times, Have I yelled into that phone, expecting better, different results. It never ever changed anything. If i had an enemies list, they would be number 2 on that list. 

But I’m already a hypocrite rite? I pay them every month to fuck me in the ass whenever possible. So why not go to work for them. This way They’d be paying me to rape people. Plus free internet service and cable tv. Woot. Plus they have one of the coolest jobs around.

This is an excerpt from my twitter.

kortanaskew : Go to hell #Comcast. Someone should put a Cap in you.  12:01 AM Jan 13th

It was an admittedly rash and juvenile tweet, over some bad misinformation i got from facebook. I was surprised to get a Response.

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew can we help? 9:11 AM Jan 13th

I got a same day response from Comcast via twitter? Not even my friends read this thing. I didn’t even direct it at him. Just threw it out into the ether.

He is part of the Customer Service Operations Digital Media Outreach team. Fuck that’s an awesome job. Yes, Comcast Doug, You can help me. How do I get YOUR job?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       So Now It’s been 3 months since I was contacted by him. But when looking up this info on my iPhone I accidentally sent comcastdoug a blank tweet. He responded quickly.

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew what can I do for you???? my friend.

He called me his friend? Comcast Doug Are you for real? Then he hit me back with this:

comcastdoug

@kortanaskew oh and no cap in me.. I am here to help!!!

Comcast Doug. You sir, are a class act.